Supermom syndrome.

I don't know if this is able to be clinically diagnosed or not, but I suffer from what I call supermom syndrome (aka I bite off more than I *should* chew and then manage to ge it done). . Don't get me wrong I love being busy and I thrive off of having tasks to execute. I do have to get better at reminding myself that I am no spring chicken (hahaha, I will be 30 next year after all :p) and that I have three kids under three that demand a lot of attention and energy... btw, it has been a long day and I am typing this as I sprawl out on the couch with my legs at the top of the couch trying to just RELAX.

So back to this supermom thing. I want to do it all.. and by myself. I don't know if it is just the inner control freak that needs to have my home in order 'my way' or just my own down time doing my tasks or if I just like to have that tough, admirable exterior of being known as the one who 'does it all'.

Well, it is confession time!! Doing it all is exhausting. I had a mini meltdown today as I was dealing with the boys and watching our  two year old completely pull apart the house. I enjoyed a clean house for a full 36 hours. Ok. Let's be honest here. Now, after picking up every book, movie, towel, washcloth, the clean laundry from the dryer and every piece of clothing from my daughter's dresser, I sit here and realize that maybe being supermom is not all it is cracked up to be.

I definitely take the time to enjoy my kids. I will let nonessential dishes sit on the counter for days or leave all the laundry for the weekends, and I can let it not bug me. BUT it is my choice. So why does it bother me so much when the choice is taken away from me? Have I not grown at all from when I was in school and the teachers used to say 'Sharon thrives off of structure and need to learn how to be flexible and adapt to change.'? I know that I have, but why does it 'feel' like my world comes crashing down when my whole life is in order, except the little people.....

AHHHH back to that supermom syndrome. I cannot control my crying babies or, at times, my raging two year old. I am still supermom, especially to them, and I just need to keep these bad moments as moments and not wreck the groove of my life. I am blessed with the ability to see life and arrange it so that it makes sense and I can live somewhat easily and peacefully. (I am sure that this will be expanded in the future.)

Sometimes I think that the title and the expectations that come with it make me feel like I have a very high standard set for me. I need to remember, however, that shortcomings in time which lead to dirty dishes and sticky floors do not make me a failure. That said, shortcomings in time spent with my children to see them grow, giggle, smile, and enjoy life would. The only eyes that I want to see me as supermom are the ones belonging to my kids, which means that I need to try to remove the desire to achieve that status anywhere else.

I can be a super mom, without needing to be supermom. Here's hoping that I learn to relax and enjoy a slower pace in this crazy life of mine, because, Lord knows, I cannot handle days like this often. So
I'm going to embrace the books on the floor beside me and just try not to trip on them in the morning.
Wish me luck. Tomorrow is another day!

* written on my phone, so it is harder to read over. Don't know if this is quite that cohesive, but hey, it's been a long day, and I am downright tired. Goodnight!