Life has been trying to teach me something for the last (long) while.
I think that I was missing the message, because it finally occurred to me last night. It took the smallest messenger to finally get it across.
Our youngest daughter, Evelyn, is tiny, but mighty. She is mostly quiet, but she definitely knows how to be heard.
Evelyn is preparing for Kindergarten (when did this happen!!), so we have been taking her to various school kinder-prep events. While chatting with her possible future teachers, I have always told them not to be surprised that Evelyn may take charge. She is very in control of her feelings and she expresses them very well. She also likes her quiet space and time..... and will vocally express when that is something she needs at the age of 3. One teacher in particular expressed how it is wonderful that she knows what she needs, states it and takes it. I kind of laughed it off....
Go to the night before this school event....
We were all in the van and out for some SweetLegs deliveries. 6 people in a van for any amount of time can be hectic. We were going to take a pit stop at Tim Hortons to freshen everyone up and grab a snack.
Well.... Evelyn wasn't going to make it that long. She'd had enough people and noise for the day.
I turned in my seat to look at her and the bottoms of her feet are pressed together, her thumb and fingers making a circle on each hand, and she is telling me that she needs quiet so she can "0h-om." It took about half a minute for what she was saying to sink in. I giggled with Ken about it, and we tried to quiet the kids so that Evelyn could 'meditate.' We are assuming that she has seen this on a movie and was imitating it. Either way, it calmed her down, and our trip continued on with the calm, sweet voice behind us saying "Oh-om, oh-om, oh-om."
The magnitude of what my daughter was doing didn't hit me until late last night. She did something that very few adults actually do for themselves - myself included.
She recognized that she needed something. In that moment, she needed peace, quiet and recentering. SO SHE DID IT. She didn't wait. She just did it. She took what she needed to be able to continue on.
WOW.
Just WOW.
As adults, we often complicate what we need so much, but it really can be as simple as stopping, doing what we need FOR OURSELVES, and then continuing on. Child-like is not always a bad thing. I think maybe scaling back and learning to be simple would help life significantly.
Last night and today, I just keep looking at her and seeing all the smarts in this little girl. I am going to miss her so much when she starts school. I am also going to enjoy the quiet and, hopefully, learn how to simplify, just as she does.
Sometimes, it's the little ones in life that can teach us a big lesson.
Wednesday, 15 May 2019
Tuesday, 14 May 2019
The Cat ..... He Did Come Back!
We have all heard the song.
We have all had it stuck in our head.
It never really meant anything to me, until recently. After we buried our cat. Or what we thought was our cat.
Apparently, it is a phenomenon that has been going on for many, many years, and it was our turn to experience it! ..... and at a very horrible time!
April 2019 was a rough month for us. We had an amazing puppy for almost a year, but we were having severe, aggressive behaviours happening, which is a huge issue when you have a busy, family-friendly home. All month, I was super stressed as we waited for the behaviourist to come and work with our Jake. April 29th came and went.... and Jake went with it. We had to make the decision to rehome him.
I cried. I cried a lot. I had lost one of my furbabies. The kids were very quick to remind me that we still had Vinny.
Don't get me wrong. Vinny is awesome. He is legit one of the coolest cats that I have ever owned. BUT he is not a dog. There is a certain degree of independence that cats have and couldn't care less what you do with yourself, while dogs will just follow you and be your BFF forever.
So, I was bummed, but the kids were looking at the positive. We still have Vinny!
May 1st. Two days after giving Jake up.
My phone rings shortly after 8 am. It's my sister.
"Please tell me that Vinny is inside!" Shiiiiiiiit. I immediately knew where this was going.
"He isn't."
I was upset to be told that Vinny was hit and in the middle of the road. Dead.
Follow that phone call up with another from my mom, telling me that my cat is dead in the middle of the road.
Now, for those of you who say that a cat should be indoors only, let me tell you that I don't agree. Cats are animals, and they are hard to contain, especially with kids going in and out of the house all the time. Vinny, although a cat, has proven to be very careful and has crossed the road by himself for almost 2 years now! He actually does look. He is very happy and very healthy. I'm not ignorant enough to think he will never be run over, but, at the very least, he is living his best cat life possible.
So, I go and tell Ken, quite tearfully, that he needs to go get Vinny off the road.
"You have got to be kidding me."
Through my tears, I share a laugh with him about the pure irony of the situation. Life had been rough. Of course the cat would die.
He goes and tenderly picks the cat from the road, digs a hole and buries him next to our beloved, passed away dog, Mags - THE BEST DOG EVER.
"Was it Vinny? For sure?"
"Without a doubt."
I cried through much of the day. It was rough. How was I going to tell the kids that their cat was now gone? The thought of breaking their hearts was breaking mine.
It was a couple hours before they would be getting home. My 3 year old (WHEN DID SHE BECOME 3!!) was looking out in the backyard.
"Mom, I see Vinny."
"No, baby, you don't. Vinny is buried."
....... about a minute goes by......
"No, mom. I see Vinny right here."
"No, you don't." I head over to the window. "Vinny is dead. He is buried in the back yard. He....."
I look down out the window, and there is Vinny, perfectly fine and not dirty, staring back up at me.
I have never been so happy to see a pet in my whole life, as I was when I ran down to snuggle Vinny that day. My face hurt from smiling.
... and then the laughter started. Whose cat did we bury??
We still don't know whose cat we buried to this day. We know that it was respectfully and lovingly buried, so we feel good about that....
....definitely not as good as having Vinny alive and home though!
A few days later, I heard "The Cat Came Back" and it finally hit me. I understand the song now. It all makes sense
Wednesday, 27 February 2019
High Expectations vs Their Expectations
This morning, before the alarm went off to wake the kids up, I had a headache. I was determined to do as little as possible today. I had stayed up late doing SweetLegs inventory to prepare for a party (work-from-home "job" that I LOVE) and had literally crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. As I was saying, today, I would hopefully do nothing. I peaked out the window and see snow. Really?? Internally, I start to panic. No bus notifications, so I start to relax. Open the app, and, of course, buses are cancelled.
I pride myself on being a mom - spending time with my kids, loving on them and letting them stay home on snow days. They LOVE snow days. BUT, today, I felt like "NOOOOOOOOO!" I decide I'm going to stay in bed until the kids wake up.... a whole 10 minutes or so.. Unfortunately, I'll have to break them of their automatic 7am wake time for summer vacation. It will be hard work, but I'm up for the challenge. ;)
Everett, otherwise known as Twin A, who is now SIX (how did that happen!!!), has been having some pretty significant issues at school, and he literally BEGS EVERY DAY to stay home.
Everett ever so quietly snuck into my room and was snuggled right up to my side of the bed before I knew he was even up.
"Is it a snow day?" The hope beaming through his face that he can have a day off school.
"Yes, Evie, it is."
I think I had a whole 20 minutes of calm and working from my phone before it was time to get into action.
Thankfully, an order of Discovery Toys (Alison Von B is amazing if you need a party booked!) arrived yesterday. We divvied up the toys that were not ours together, and the boys have been playing quietly all morning.
I keep hearing them chat about how this is the best day ever.... and it makes me think about how high our expectations are for ourselves versus the reality of what people, especially kids and family, want from us.
To be classified as Super Mom in my mind, I need to have my S#$T together all the time - my house clean (I'll accept tidy usually), my kids dressed and well-groomed (hahahahahahah), my attitude and emotions in check (I'm superhuman?? That's news to me!), and be always on the ball!
In reality, I just need to keep them fed, provide them with love, and keep them safe - sometimes from each other and our huge puppy. That's it! It is THAT easy. Obviously, teaching life lessons and what not are important, but they don't take that into consideration.
When I woke up and saw NO BUSES, my world kind of crashed for a few minutes. I felt like there would be no way I can do today. Then, I remembered that I've got this (and meds to kick a headache. Lol) To them, I'll always be "SuperMom" JUST BECAUSE I AM MOM.
Now, I'm going to head off and put a show on for them and continue the best day ever.!.
Sunday, 18 March 2018
... and life grows on!
It's been quite a while since I have sat down here to write out my thoughts. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing not to have NEEDED writing as an outlet to release me from stress, anxiety, and grief... this doesn' mean that life isn't full of stresses and moments of anxiety and huge amounts of grief still...
It just means that life grows on. As time passes and the brain is able to figure out how life is supposed to proceed, the day to day gets more manageable.
I hate the phrase "life goes on." It hurts, to be honest. Since Caroline died, it feels like life hasn't just picked up where it left off. Instead, we have been left behind to relearn how to maneuver through emotions and a life we didn't recognize. It' incredibly hard. To say that "life goes on" feels like a slap in the face. We have been learning and life has been growing on. We are growing as families, as individuals, and as human beings.
We are learning what really is important and learning to value love and relationships with others more than anything. We are learning that happiness and contentment are huge factors in living a fulfilled life.
Growing isn't an option. It's a necessity to survival.
Anyways. That was a rabbit trail and a half. I literally came on here to write a quick update on how our family had grown since I last wrote and all of that came out!!
I will post again soon and I will hopefully update my info and get back into my fun family stories. In the meantime, go back and read some of my previous blog posts. I sure got a kick out of some of them!!
It just means that life grows on. As time passes and the brain is able to figure out how life is supposed to proceed, the day to day gets more manageable.
I hate the phrase "life goes on." It hurts, to be honest. Since Caroline died, it feels like life hasn't just picked up where it left off. Instead, we have been left behind to relearn how to maneuver through emotions and a life we didn't recognize. It' incredibly hard. To say that "life goes on" feels like a slap in the face. We have been learning and life has been growing on. We are growing as families, as individuals, and as human beings.
We are learning what really is important and learning to value love and relationships with others more than anything. We are learning that happiness and contentment are huge factors in living a fulfilled life.
Growing isn't an option. It's a necessity to survival.
Anyways. That was a rabbit trail and a half. I literally came on here to write a quick update on how our family had grown since I last wrote and all of that came out!!
I will post again soon and I will hopefully update my info and get back into my fun family stories. In the meantime, go back and read some of my previous blog posts. I sure got a kick out of some of them!!
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
Year One - Remembering the last day
I woke up this morning and could see that it was snowing outside. I hate snow. My hatred for snow still didn't mask the internal upset I felt at one thing. It's been a year.
One year ago today, Caroline passed away.
At first, it was easier to let her go. I say that because her last hours with us were excruciating. She was in so much obvious pain and discomfort that it was torturous to see. They had guaranteed us that she still had a long ways to go. This was not how the disease worked. She would be suffering for a lot longer. We actually questioned the doctors, "How can it get worse than this!?" They once again confirmed that this was just a bad day. She had a lot more coming her way.
For the first time since her diagnosis, she was unable to shelter us from the nastiness of her fate. She was always so strong in hiding the pain and doing her best to not let us see her suffering. She wanted us to remember the good times, always, and she wanted us to only have good memories of her.
This morning last year was brutal. We don't talk about it much. I remember calling Amy after talking to the doctors and telling her to make sure she was going to be on her way, because, even though they said longer, we just felt that it couldn't be true.
After having an intense and non-stop nosebleed for over 24 hours, the Hospice staff went in to help her clean-up in the morning. Through what had to be misery, she was smiling and trying to make light of what 'could be worse.' People were walking by her room and talking about how there was a party going on in their room. The laughter could be heard in the hallway.... because that was Caroline. She always cared about others first. She was pro at putting the pain aside to help out those around her.
My sister Steph, however, had seen the change through the night before. She saw the inability to hide the pain anymore. Even with meds, it was clear that Caroline was suffering. In her moments of utter tiredness and frustration at the bleeding nose, she was unable to hide behind her smiles, even though she wanted. Steph was scared and she knew. She knew that it had to be close. Caroline had wished for few things with regards to her death. We knew that one of her biggest fears was losing her mental state. Her next biggest was for us to see her suffering long and remembering her like that. We are so thankful that she was able to keep her positive mental state until the end.
After the staff got her back to her bed, they set up to try to get her comfortable and able to rest. They upped her meds, and she finally seemed more comfortable, yet still so irritated. It is so incredibly hard to see a loved one be agitated without relief, even while almost in a medicated sleep. We decided to let her rest.
The last thing that I know she heard me say to her was 'You can rest now, but only if you dream about being back in Europe.' With that, she gave me the last smile that I would receive from her. It was big and with her eyes closed, but it was meant for me.
Seven years previous, we would have just been preparing for our own travels to Europe - Germany, to be more exact. I have never seen someone more alive than Caroline when she travelled. The whole trip while gone, her eyes were wide as a baby learning all about life. The excitement and joy would shine through. It gave her so much more life just to be able to travel. The day before she passed, one of her friends came and looked at the pictures of her most recent trip to Europe. It had given her so much joy to relive that trip, but it exhausted her. Her body was giving up.
Caroline's last day is one of importance, because it helps to remind me that I didn't want to keep her here in so much pain - that it would be better to let her go and be at peace than to selfishly keep her here. However, I must say that there are times when I don't care. I just want to be able to have a chat with her. I just want to give her a hug. I just want to see her walk into my house again and have the kids tackle her with hugs. I want to see Magglio wag his tail almost off of his body because he is so excited to see her at the door. I just want to see her live. I still feel like she was robbed of her hopes and dreams. It's the selfishness of me being left behind. It is hard to always think about her having a better time in Heaven.
There are many unpleasant memories from that last day. Many that I will never share. Some that I shared with my own mom only recently. It was horrible. The staff at Hospice did an amazing job in sheltering us from the work and trying to provide us with as much quality time as we could with her.
So, as this one year mark will come and go, please take time today to remember Caroline and how amazing she was. Remember that she lived and she would want us to do the same. Thank God for sparing her of what was still to come.
One year ago today, Caroline passed away.
At first, it was easier to let her go. I say that because her last hours with us were excruciating. She was in so much obvious pain and discomfort that it was torturous to see. They had guaranteed us that she still had a long ways to go. This was not how the disease worked. She would be suffering for a lot longer. We actually questioned the doctors, "How can it get worse than this!?" They once again confirmed that this was just a bad day. She had a lot more coming her way.
For the first time since her diagnosis, she was unable to shelter us from the nastiness of her fate. She was always so strong in hiding the pain and doing her best to not let us see her suffering. She wanted us to remember the good times, always, and she wanted us to only have good memories of her.
This morning last year was brutal. We don't talk about it much. I remember calling Amy after talking to the doctors and telling her to make sure she was going to be on her way, because, even though they said longer, we just felt that it couldn't be true.
After having an intense and non-stop nosebleed for over 24 hours, the Hospice staff went in to help her clean-up in the morning. Through what had to be misery, she was smiling and trying to make light of what 'could be worse.' People were walking by her room and talking about how there was a party going on in their room. The laughter could be heard in the hallway.... because that was Caroline. She always cared about others first. She was pro at putting the pain aside to help out those around her.
My sister Steph, however, had seen the change through the night before. She saw the inability to hide the pain anymore. Even with meds, it was clear that Caroline was suffering. In her moments of utter tiredness and frustration at the bleeding nose, she was unable to hide behind her smiles, even though she wanted. Steph was scared and she knew. She knew that it had to be close. Caroline had wished for few things with regards to her death. We knew that one of her biggest fears was losing her mental state. Her next biggest was for us to see her suffering long and remembering her like that. We are so thankful that she was able to keep her positive mental state until the end.
After the staff got her back to her bed, they set up to try to get her comfortable and able to rest. They upped her meds, and she finally seemed more comfortable, yet still so irritated. It is so incredibly hard to see a loved one be agitated without relief, even while almost in a medicated sleep. We decided to let her rest.
The last thing that I know she heard me say to her was 'You can rest now, but only if you dream about being back in Europe.' With that, she gave me the last smile that I would receive from her. It was big and with her eyes closed, but it was meant for me.
Seven years previous, we would have just been preparing for our own travels to Europe - Germany, to be more exact. I have never seen someone more alive than Caroline when she travelled. The whole trip while gone, her eyes were wide as a baby learning all about life. The excitement and joy would shine through. It gave her so much more life just to be able to travel. The day before she passed, one of her friends came and looked at the pictures of her most recent trip to Europe. It had given her so much joy to relive that trip, but it exhausted her. Her body was giving up.
Caroline's last day is one of importance, because it helps to remind me that I didn't want to keep her here in so much pain - that it would be better to let her go and be at peace than to selfishly keep her here. However, I must say that there are times when I don't care. I just want to be able to have a chat with her. I just want to give her a hug. I just want to see her walk into my house again and have the kids tackle her with hugs. I want to see Magglio wag his tail almost off of his body because he is so excited to see her at the door. I just want to see her live. I still feel like she was robbed of her hopes and dreams. It's the selfishness of me being left behind. It is hard to always think about her having a better time in Heaven.
There are many unpleasant memories from that last day. Many that I will never share. Some that I shared with my own mom only recently. It was horrible. The staff at Hospice did an amazing job in sheltering us from the work and trying to provide us with as much quality time as we could with her.
So, as this one year mark will come and go, please take time today to remember Caroline and how amazing she was. Remember that she lived and she would want us to do the same. Thank God for sparing her of what was still to come.
Thursday, 21 January 2016
Resolution 2: Deal with the Nitty Gritties In Married Life
Marriage.
Enough said. Such a small word, which contains so much! It can bring abundant joy, misery, or fear (to say the least) to anyone who hears the word.
My second resolution this year is to work on my (our) marriage. I want and need to have a happy marriage. We need to figure out what will make this work and get to that point.
When I think of marriage, I think of work. Lately, our marriage has needed work. We (I say 'we' because when married it's not 'I' but 'we'!) are coming out of an extremely stressful 'season.' I'm glad that I have a patient husband. I also wish that I had a husband with a bit less sarcasm in stressful times!
Changes are hard on most people, but I find them extremely challenging. Ever since I was a little kid, I remember my teachers in school telling me that I needed to learn how to adapt when things change. Um, no. I'm an Aries. I'm strong-willed and I really enjoy things as they are ... to the point of I literally need to stop and let my brain adjust if anything changes too quickly. Through the last year, I've had to stop for more than just a moment to adjust to changes. Too many changes. Too many life-changing changes. Things have been stressful to say the least.
We are making headway though! At times in the last year, I've honestly wondered if marriage is worth the work. Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it really worth it? In this last year, we have seen family members pass away, welcomed a baby, started homeschooling with Norah, said good-bye to child-bearing years, and I went for surgery at the beginning of the holiday season. All of these things were huge sources of stress and adjustment.... my specialty. There are many times when I was just done: exhausted, spent, tired, emotional and DONE.
Marriage is hard work! It takes compromise, commitment, and meeting on so many levels. It takes everything that a long tedious job would require. When the work is put into it, the benefits come as well. Sometimes, it takes more work to reap the reward, but the reward will come!
We have committed to try and reconnect with our friends who are also married. We are all in the same boat, and the company of other committed couples is so refreshing! To be real and honest with another couple who 'get it' is priceless. It is a sanity saver and marriage saver to know that other people also do not always think marriage is a breeze.
As we enter a season of calm, with potentially huge changes coming, I'm trying my hardest to say good-bye to the stress of last year and embrace what is to come (while taking enough time for my brain to adjust, of course). We are trying to keep the peace and live and enjoy the moments and time we have together. If nothing else, last year has taught us that time with each other and with family is well spent!
We have some great things going for us, and we have great support along on this ride with us. It's an adventure ... and it's so worth it.
Enough said. Such a small word, which contains so much! It can bring abundant joy, misery, or fear (to say the least) to anyone who hears the word.
My second resolution this year is to work on my (our) marriage. I want and need to have a happy marriage. We need to figure out what will make this work and get to that point.
When I think of marriage, I think of work. Lately, our marriage has needed work. We (I say 'we' because when married it's not 'I' but 'we'!) are coming out of an extremely stressful 'season.' I'm glad that I have a patient husband. I also wish that I had a husband with a bit less sarcasm in stressful times!
Changes are hard on most people, but I find them extremely challenging. Ever since I was a little kid, I remember my teachers in school telling me that I needed to learn how to adapt when things change. Um, no. I'm an Aries. I'm strong-willed and I really enjoy things as they are ... to the point of I literally need to stop and let my brain adjust if anything changes too quickly. Through the last year, I've had to stop for more than just a moment to adjust to changes. Too many changes. Too many life-changing changes. Things have been stressful to say the least.
We are making headway though! At times in the last year, I've honestly wondered if marriage is worth the work. Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it really worth it? In this last year, we have seen family members pass away, welcomed a baby, started homeschooling with Norah, said good-bye to child-bearing years, and I went for surgery at the beginning of the holiday season. All of these things were huge sources of stress and adjustment.... my specialty. There are many times when I was just done: exhausted, spent, tired, emotional and DONE.
Marriage is hard work! It takes compromise, commitment, and meeting on so many levels. It takes everything that a long tedious job would require. When the work is put into it, the benefits come as well. Sometimes, it takes more work to reap the reward, but the reward will come!
We have committed to try and reconnect with our friends who are also married. We are all in the same boat, and the company of other committed couples is so refreshing! To be real and honest with another couple who 'get it' is priceless. It is a sanity saver and marriage saver to know that other people also do not always think marriage is a breeze.
As we enter a season of calm, with potentially huge changes coming, I'm trying my hardest to say good-bye to the stress of last year and embrace what is to come (while taking enough time for my brain to adjust, of course). We are trying to keep the peace and live and enjoy the moments and time we have together. If nothing else, last year has taught us that time with each other and with family is well spent!
We have some great things going for us, and we have great support along on this ride with us. It's an adventure ... and it's so worth it.
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
Be Selfish: Letting It Be
Ahhh. We are a couple of weeks into the New Year. I'm proud of myself. (Hehehe, it's really weird to say that, and it's even more weird to read that!) The first New Year's Resolution that I had this year was to be selfish. I do think that this will help me to tackle the other ones on my list.
Now, back to why I feel proud of myself. :)
Tonight, I CONSCIOUSLY made the decision NOT to start laundry! It was after 9 pm, and, if you remember correctly, mom is no longer housekeeper after 9 pm. The kicker, and why I'm so proud of myself, is because I am not bothered by this decision. Also, I'm enjoying the silence of my house and just relaxing! This is HUGE for me!
It's kind of incredible about how much more I can get done during the day if I take more time to relax myself. I'm feeling a lot less stressed. A LOT LESS. Life is still crazy, which is awesome. Crazy and relaxed. <Relaxed exhale.> It's more of 'how it should be' lately. It's a great feeling.
Taking these quiet 'off the clock' times in the evening is letting me to savour the quiet times with the kids, especially Evelyn. It's letting my brain remember the people who I never want to forget. It's allowing my heart to heal. It's allowing me to work through the lingering pains of last year and cope better. It's allowing me to shower!! OFTEN!!!
If anyone would have told me that I could drop everything and do nothing for a few hours each evening, I would have thought them to be crazy. I'm a workaholic in every part of life! This is so far from 'me'..... but I like it!
I find it motivating. My home hours are more relaxed, yet they seem to be productive!
If you're like me, try this yourself. It's amazing how much just allowing it be at the end of the day makes a difference. Let the laundry be. Let the dishes me. Let all the chores be. ... and lastly, just be... be yourself. Enjoy your family. Read a book. Pray. Find what makes you tick and be.
<3 Loving it, while missing you with every ounce of me. :)
* I will eventually hit on my next resolutions. Just trying to master them one at a time. :) .... and yes, they are largely formed by grieving and committing to making life changes to live a full and happy life. :)
Now, back to why I feel proud of myself. :)
Tonight, I CONSCIOUSLY made the decision NOT to start laundry! It was after 9 pm, and, if you remember correctly, mom is no longer housekeeper after 9 pm. The kicker, and why I'm so proud of myself, is because I am not bothered by this decision. Also, I'm enjoying the silence of my house and just relaxing! This is HUGE for me!
It's kind of incredible about how much more I can get done during the day if I take more time to relax myself. I'm feeling a lot less stressed. A LOT LESS. Life is still crazy, which is awesome. Crazy and relaxed. <Relaxed exhale.> It's more of 'how it should be' lately. It's a great feeling.
Taking these quiet 'off the clock' times in the evening is letting me to savour the quiet times with the kids, especially Evelyn. It's letting my brain remember the people who I never want to forget. It's allowing my heart to heal. It's allowing me to work through the lingering pains of last year and cope better. It's allowing me to shower!! OFTEN!!!
If anyone would have told me that I could drop everything and do nothing for a few hours each evening, I would have thought them to be crazy. I'm a workaholic in every part of life! This is so far from 'me'..... but I like it!
I find it motivating. My home hours are more relaxed, yet they seem to be productive!
If you're like me, try this yourself. It's amazing how much just allowing it be at the end of the day makes a difference. Let the laundry be. Let the dishes me. Let all the chores be. ... and lastly, just be... be yourself. Enjoy your family. Read a book. Pray. Find what makes you tick and be.
<3 Loving it, while missing you with every ounce of me. :)
* I will eventually hit on my next resolutions. Just trying to master them one at a time. :) .... and yes, they are largely formed by grieving and committing to making life changes to live a full and happy life. :)
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