If I'm going to give lessons, then I might as well give some confessions..... since I'm quite sure that everyone loves reading about other people's shortcomings. The definition of a 'Super-Mom' is yet to be defined. Since I'm often referred to as one, I might as well shed some light into how life actually is. Some of these will be funny and you might be able to relate to them. Others will be more serious.... and you might be able to relate to them. Just grab a glass of wine and chill.... and read on.
#1 - I can't stand hearing other moms complain about their kids - especially if it's a mom of a single child (as in they have one kid). I'm not going to say that life is easy, but why on earth would you ever come to me to complain about how much your three year old gets into each day. We can trade for a day and I'll almost guarantee that you will never complain again.... to anyone.
#2 - I will never be caught up on housework. Even on the best of cleaning days, there is still something left to do. Laundry, dishes, and vacuuming seem to be never-ending. Any day when I can get anything else done, I feel that is a huge accomplishment! Don't get me wrong, we aren't living in a pig pen.... We have five people and a dog living in somewhat cramped quarters, so our house is very lived in.
#3 - My kids and I would live in our pajamas if that were possible. They love them. I love them. Why change? If we aren't going anywhere (other than to the grandparents), the kids are rarely in anything but pajamas. Life is so much simpler when you can live in pajamas.
#4 - I struggled a lot internally by being defined as 'just a mom'. Everyone who knows me KNOWS that I am ALWAYS busy. I always have something on the go. Since becoming a mom, I feel that I need the structure of being out of the house at work sometimes to maintain my sanity. Part-time makes me feel the most balanced. On top of that, I often lend myself out a lot. Planning events and helping on committees are things that I enjoy immensely, but they tend to gobble up a lot of time. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being with my kids. I just find that I can mentally be a better mom if I have time to myself. I wish I could be a mom who was 100% satisfied with just being at home with the kids all the time. However, that is just not me. It's even still hard to admit. I just need to be able to get away sometimes.
#5 - Sometimes, I get frustrated with my kids. I might yell once in a while. I might leave them screaming on the outside of the washroom while I pee. I might let them have a tantrum on the floor for ten minutes because I shut the fridge. It's a part of parenting. Sometimes, kids know just what button to push. .... and that is ok. 'Super-Moms' can have bad moments too.... it's what you do afterwards that makes up for it. Being quick to apologize, give hugs and admit that I'm wrong teaches me that I'm not perfect.... and I think that it's important that my kids know that NO ONE is perfect.
I'm sure that I can add to this list. I'm sure that I will in the future. Being a mom is hard. Just be the best mom that you can be. :)
Thursday, 26 March 2015
Lessons from a 'Super-Mom'
I hear myself be referred to as a 'Super-Mom' often. It makes me cringe. I don't know what everyone's definition of a 'Super-Mom' is, but I'm quite sure that all moms (who love and take care of their kids) are super - regardless of how they parent.
I have a few guidelines that I stick to that help me along my mothering journey. If they can help you feel like a 'Super-Mom' too, then that is awesome! I have had the opportunity to watch many strong and loving mothers around while I grew up, including my own awesome mom. I've learned many things along the way, and I've adapted our lives to make parenting work. I am very lucky to have a supportive other half... aka hubby.
LESSON #1 - DO NOT COMPLAIN - be thankful that you have been blessed to have these little ones! While I was pregnant with the boys, I set out on a mission to be happy and not complain... and I did a good job! I firmly believed that mind over matter would win out over negativity. I was able to enjoy myself, even while in a lot of pain. I would allow myself to be in pain, but only allow myself self-pity for a moment. Life has to go on from disappointments and, if possible, limiting being miserable into a MOMENT rather than into a day, a week or a month makes a HUGE difference. Mind over matter can win! I've tried to keep this going. It's two years plus since they have been born, and I KNOW that training my mind to look positive instead of complaining makes a huge difference.
LESSON #2 - HAVE FUN - your kids are only young once! Snuggles, walks, playing at the park, running around in the backyard and just being silly are so important! Take the time away from housework and just have fun with your kiddos. Housework will always be there. Seriously, it doesn't go away. There will always be something more to do at the house... but, one day, the kids won't be there anymore - so enjoy them! One of my daughter's favourite activities to do together is to make pancakes for breakfast. It makes a huge mess (which doesn't always get cleaned up right away), but it's a great memory and great fun. Her brothers love eating them and we always make a double batch so we can snack on them later. :)
LESSON # 3 - FIND BALANCE - a big part of being a 'Super-Mom' (at least in my definition) is to be a happy mom! Take time for yourself and do things for yourself. Your kids will thank you if you are able to diffuse sometimes and just relax. For me, working outside of the home a few days a week makes me feel the most balanced. It gives me a lot of time with my kids and a decent amount of time keeping structure to my week as an adult. The struggle for balance is never-ending when you become a parent. You will always be pulled in so many directions. From a former work-aholic, trust me, balance is very important. When you find your happy place, stay in it as long as you can. If something isn't working for you, then change it up! Just because you're a mom and your kids' happiness means everything to you, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy too!
LESSON # 4 - DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF - Spills happen. Dirty clothes happen. Scrapes and bruises happen. Hugs and kisses heal so much. Laughter and joy also heal so much. Pick your battles. Let your children make small, age-appropriate decisions. Celebrate successes. Don't harp on failures... aka learning opportunities. Teach your children about life. Don't let life lessons pass them by, and, in the same sense, teach them what is important in life and not. If they grow up being respectful and loving, but have a hair out of place, THAT IS OK! Certain things will come with time! If they fall and get a hole in their knee on the way to family pictures, it will just add character to the pictures! Don't let little things ruin fun times. :)
LESSON # 5 - BE INVOLVED - KNOW your kids. LISTEN to your kids. From very, very early on, they do communicate if you are listening. Find out how their natural routines play out. Pay attention to what interests them. Seize learning opportunities and teachable moments. Learn about their temperaments and work with them. It is much easier to learn their weaknesses and grow with them. I know that our daughter is a lot like me, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. We realized this from a very early age. It makes it much easier to deal with her knowing this. I understand her thought processes and I'm able to communicate with her (she's four) on a level that she understands and in a way that will actually get through to her.
LESSON # 6 - DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF - I hate it when I'm called a 'Super-Mom.' I rarely feel like I'm one of the best moms ever. However, my daughter tells me often that I'm the best mom ever. I know that, if I try to be the best mom that I can be, my kids will know. Their approval is one of the best feelings ever. We can have a really bad day, and, at the end of it, I'm still often told that I'm the best. I have learned to let things go. I do my best and I make sure that it's enough for me.
Hope you read some of this and cut yourself some slack. Being a mom is hard work. We are all 'Super-Moms' if we do our best with our kids. Just relax and enjoy their childhood. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to shape their minds and lives.
I have a few guidelines that I stick to that help me along my mothering journey. If they can help you feel like a 'Super-Mom' too, then that is awesome! I have had the opportunity to watch many strong and loving mothers around while I grew up, including my own awesome mom. I've learned many things along the way, and I've adapted our lives to make parenting work. I am very lucky to have a supportive other half... aka hubby.
LESSON #1 - DO NOT COMPLAIN - be thankful that you have been blessed to have these little ones! While I was pregnant with the boys, I set out on a mission to be happy and not complain... and I did a good job! I firmly believed that mind over matter would win out over negativity. I was able to enjoy myself, even while in a lot of pain. I would allow myself to be in pain, but only allow myself self-pity for a moment. Life has to go on from disappointments and, if possible, limiting being miserable into a MOMENT rather than into a day, a week or a month makes a HUGE difference. Mind over matter can win! I've tried to keep this going. It's two years plus since they have been born, and I KNOW that training my mind to look positive instead of complaining makes a huge difference.
LESSON #2 - HAVE FUN - your kids are only young once! Snuggles, walks, playing at the park, running around in the backyard and just being silly are so important! Take the time away from housework and just have fun with your kiddos. Housework will always be there. Seriously, it doesn't go away. There will always be something more to do at the house... but, one day, the kids won't be there anymore - so enjoy them! One of my daughter's favourite activities to do together is to make pancakes for breakfast. It makes a huge mess (which doesn't always get cleaned up right away), but it's a great memory and great fun. Her brothers love eating them and we always make a double batch so we can snack on them later. :)
LESSON # 3 - FIND BALANCE - a big part of being a 'Super-Mom' (at least in my definition) is to be a happy mom! Take time for yourself and do things for yourself. Your kids will thank you if you are able to diffuse sometimes and just relax. For me, working outside of the home a few days a week makes me feel the most balanced. It gives me a lot of time with my kids and a decent amount of time keeping structure to my week as an adult. The struggle for balance is never-ending when you become a parent. You will always be pulled in so many directions. From a former work-aholic, trust me, balance is very important. When you find your happy place, stay in it as long as you can. If something isn't working for you, then change it up! Just because you're a mom and your kids' happiness means everything to you, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy too!
LESSON # 4 - DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF - Spills happen. Dirty clothes happen. Scrapes and bruises happen. Hugs and kisses heal so much. Laughter and joy also heal so much. Pick your battles. Let your children make small, age-appropriate decisions. Celebrate successes. Don't harp on failures... aka learning opportunities. Teach your children about life. Don't let life lessons pass them by, and, in the same sense, teach them what is important in life and not. If they grow up being respectful and loving, but have a hair out of place, THAT IS OK! Certain things will come with time! If they fall and get a hole in their knee on the way to family pictures, it will just add character to the pictures! Don't let little things ruin fun times. :)
LESSON # 5 - BE INVOLVED - KNOW your kids. LISTEN to your kids. From very, very early on, they do communicate if you are listening. Find out how their natural routines play out. Pay attention to what interests them. Seize learning opportunities and teachable moments. Learn about their temperaments and work with them. It is much easier to learn their weaknesses and grow with them. I know that our daughter is a lot like me, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. We realized this from a very early age. It makes it much easier to deal with her knowing this. I understand her thought processes and I'm able to communicate with her (she's four) on a level that she understands and in a way that will actually get through to her.
LESSON # 6 - DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF - I hate it when I'm called a 'Super-Mom.' I rarely feel like I'm one of the best moms ever. However, my daughter tells me often that I'm the best mom ever. I know that, if I try to be the best mom that I can be, my kids will know. Their approval is one of the best feelings ever. We can have a really bad day, and, at the end of it, I'm still often told that I'm the best. I have learned to let things go. I do my best and I make sure that it's enough for me.
Hope you read some of this and cut yourself some slack. Being a mom is hard work. We are all 'Super-Moms' if we do our best with our kids. Just relax and enjoy their childhood. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to shape their minds and lives.
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
Boys Are So Different
Having twin boys is so very, very different than having our first girl.
Norah was speaking full sentences at 15 months, always has enjoyed being one of the adults, and she is a sassy, little lady, full of energy and fun. She is always close by and tends not to get into trouble... actually, it is usually her smart mouth that gets her into the most trouble.
Everett and Andy, who are now two and a bit, couldn't care less to talk (at least around family.... apparently, they love talking to strangers... fun fun!). They seem to thrive off of being babies. They love just grunting, groaning and pointing. Don't get me wrong... the boys are tons of fun and don't often get into too much trouble... They have, however, mastered the art of divide and conquer. One will be climbing on the dining room table, while the other is climbing a shelf in the living room. One will be in the fridge, running around with eggs; the other will be in the bathroom, throwing the WHOLE roll of toilet paper in and trying to flush it. They seem to be able to pick out anything that goes unnoticed that gives them an opportunity to capitalize on something they aren't supposed to do... they keep us on our toes.
Today was a long day. Long in the sense that the boys were all over each other all day..... and they have the bruises to show for it. Today, it seemed as though they were training for a MMA fight or something similar. The amount of punches thrown, kicks that met the other's flesh, and hitting surprised me. I would look away and then turn back just to see one straddling the other (with Norah shouting "HE'S NOT A HORSE!" in the background). Jumping off of things and onto each other. Yes, today was a long day... (I can still hear the thud of the time their heads banged into each other full force... at least we got a few minutes of quiet snuggles... as they both recharged!! :S)....
I blame it on the weather, by the way.... if it was warmer outside, they would have a lot more space to expend all of this pent up energy!
So, bedtime FINALLY came around. Everett fell asleep so peacefully. Andy's nose was bugging him a bit, so he kept rubbing it. I looked closer, and he was picking it a bit. Whatever, it's his nose.... A couple of minutes later, he is just lying there, still picking his nose.... which is when I notice ..... he's picking his nose and putting his boogers on Everett's arm, which is placed close to him in bed.....
OK, Andy, you win.... just go to sleep.
Norah was speaking full sentences at 15 months, always has enjoyed being one of the adults, and she is a sassy, little lady, full of energy and fun. She is always close by and tends not to get into trouble... actually, it is usually her smart mouth that gets her into the most trouble.
Everett and Andy, who are now two and a bit, couldn't care less to talk (at least around family.... apparently, they love talking to strangers... fun fun!). They seem to thrive off of being babies. They love just grunting, groaning and pointing. Don't get me wrong... the boys are tons of fun and don't often get into too much trouble... They have, however, mastered the art of divide and conquer. One will be climbing on the dining room table, while the other is climbing a shelf in the living room. One will be in the fridge, running around with eggs; the other will be in the bathroom, throwing the WHOLE roll of toilet paper in and trying to flush it. They seem to be able to pick out anything that goes unnoticed that gives them an opportunity to capitalize on something they aren't supposed to do... they keep us on our toes.
Today was a long day. Long in the sense that the boys were all over each other all day..... and they have the bruises to show for it. Today, it seemed as though they were training for a MMA fight or something similar. The amount of punches thrown, kicks that met the other's flesh, and hitting surprised me. I would look away and then turn back just to see one straddling the other (with Norah shouting "HE'S NOT A HORSE!" in the background). Jumping off of things and onto each other. Yes, today was a long day... (I can still hear the thud of the time their heads banged into each other full force... at least we got a few minutes of quiet snuggles... as they both recharged!! :S)....
I blame it on the weather, by the way.... if it was warmer outside, they would have a lot more space to expend all of this pent up energy!
So, bedtime FINALLY came around. Everett fell asleep so peacefully. Andy's nose was bugging him a bit, so he kept rubbing it. I looked closer, and he was picking it a bit. Whatever, it's his nose.... A couple of minutes later, he is just lying there, still picking his nose.... which is when I notice ..... he's picking his nose and putting his boogers on Everett's arm, which is placed close to him in bed.....
OK, Andy, you win.... just go to sleep.
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