I hear myself be referred to as a 'Super-Mom' often. It makes me cringe. I don't know what everyone's definition of a 'Super-Mom' is, but I'm quite sure that all moms (who love and take care of their kids) are super - regardless of how they parent.
I have a few guidelines that I stick to that help me along my mothering journey. If they can help you feel like a 'Super-Mom' too, then that is awesome! I have had the opportunity to watch many strong and loving mothers around while I grew up, including my own awesome mom. I've learned many things along the way, and I've adapted our lives to make parenting work. I am very lucky to have a supportive other half... aka hubby.
LESSON #1 - DO NOT COMPLAIN - be thankful that you have been blessed to have these little ones! While I was pregnant with the boys, I set out on a mission to be happy and not complain... and I did a good job! I firmly believed that mind over matter would win out over negativity. I was able to enjoy myself, even while in a lot of pain. I would allow myself to be in pain, but only allow myself self-pity for a moment. Life has to go on from disappointments and, if possible, limiting being miserable into a MOMENT rather than into a day, a week or a month makes a HUGE difference. Mind over matter can win! I've tried to keep this going. It's two years plus since they have been born, and I KNOW that training my mind to look positive instead of complaining makes a huge difference.
LESSON #2 - HAVE FUN - your kids are only young once! Snuggles, walks, playing at the park, running around in the backyard and just being silly are so important! Take the time away from housework and just have fun with your kiddos. Housework will always be there. Seriously, it doesn't go away. There will always be something more to do at the house... but, one day, the kids won't be there anymore - so enjoy them! One of my daughter's favourite activities to do together is to make pancakes for breakfast. It makes a huge mess (which doesn't always get cleaned up right away), but it's a great memory and great fun. Her brothers love eating them and we always make a double batch so we can snack on them later. :)
LESSON # 3 - FIND BALANCE - a big part of being a 'Super-Mom' (at least in my definition) is to be a happy mom! Take time for yourself and do things for yourself. Your kids will thank you if you are able to diffuse sometimes and just relax. For me, working outside of the home a few days a week makes me feel the most balanced. It gives me a lot of time with my kids and a decent amount of time keeping structure to my week as an adult. The struggle for balance is never-ending when you become a parent. You will always be pulled in so many directions. From a former work-aholic, trust me, balance is very important. When you find your happy place, stay in it as long as you can. If something isn't working for you, then change it up! Just because you're a mom and your kids' happiness means everything to you, it doesn't mean that you can't be happy too!
LESSON # 4 - DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF - Spills happen. Dirty clothes happen. Scrapes and bruises happen. Hugs and kisses heal so much. Laughter and joy also heal so much. Pick your battles. Let your children make small, age-appropriate decisions. Celebrate successes. Don't harp on failures... aka learning opportunities. Teach your children about life. Don't let life lessons pass them by, and, in the same sense, teach them what is important in life and not. If they grow up being respectful and loving, but have a hair out of place, THAT IS OK! Certain things will come with time! If they fall and get a hole in their knee on the way to family pictures, it will just add character to the pictures! Don't let little things ruin fun times. :)
LESSON # 5 - BE INVOLVED - KNOW your kids. LISTEN to your kids. From very, very early on, they do communicate if you are listening. Find out how their natural routines play out. Pay attention to what interests them. Seize learning opportunities and teachable moments. Learn about their temperaments and work with them. It is much easier to learn their weaknesses and grow with them. I know that our daughter is a lot like me, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. We realized this from a very early age. It makes it much easier to deal with her knowing this. I understand her thought processes and I'm able to communicate with her (she's four) on a level that she understands and in a way that will actually get through to her.
LESSON # 6 - DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF - I hate it when I'm called a 'Super-Mom.' I rarely feel like I'm one of the best moms ever. However, my daughter tells me often that I'm the best mom ever. I know that, if I try to be the best mom that I can be, my kids will know. Their approval is one of the best feelings ever. We can have a really bad day, and, at the end of it, I'm still often told that I'm the best. I have learned to let things go. I do my best and I make sure that it's enough for me.
Hope you read some of this and cut yourself some slack. Being a mom is hard work. We are all 'Super-Moms' if we do our best with our kids. Just relax and enjoy their childhood. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity to shape their minds and lives.
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