So much to write... so little time... I need sleep... so how's about an update as to what is going on and why I have not been writing as much as I'd like to write!!
When I originally named this blog, I had tried to pick a name that would capture the 'craziness' that we call our lives. Times have changed a bit, but life is still crazy. I kind of like my blog's title, so I am going to keep it the same. :)
We are entering the busiest time of year for our family. Birthday parties and Christmas are in the near future! Fun times for a momma who loves to plan parties!
Our daughter's birthday party play date was two days ago, and it went AMAZING!! Little kids and smiles make me so pleased with the end result! I am busy starting to prepare for the boys' birthday bash. I have the theme picked, decorations on their way, and some of the menu planned. I can't wait!
There is so much going on right now, and I realized the other night that I haven't been on here writing as much. :( This makes me sad. I think about it often, but, honestly, I need to sleep more right now! I am TIRED!!! Life is catching up to me!
Today, the boys had their nine month checkup, and they are so healthy and happy! They surprisingly weighed in at the exact same weight of 19lbs4oz and they measured up at 29 inches! Can't get more identical for measurements! :) They are growing like weeds and getting around really quickly!
Life is great! Good night!
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
Thursday, 22 August 2013
Party Planning!
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| Our Tutu Party Favours |
Our daughter's birthday is on Sunday, so we are planning a party for her on Monday with some of her playmates! I LOVE planning events, and I have a few other events up my sleeve at the moment (READERS BEWARE!). This is the first one, and this is just a sneak peek, as I will be blogging about this again soon.. hopefully adding a whole bunch of pictures!!!
Yesterday, my friend T and my MIL came over and helped to make some of the favours for the girls that attend. They will all be taking home a tutu! :) So much fun! My MIL brought us all of the supplies and we made five AWESOME tutus! We decided that our daughter would be giving at her party, instead of getting. Everytime anything with regards to birthdays comes up on tv or in a book, a lot of the focus is on receiving gifts. So, we decided that we would shift things around a bit, and she would be doing a lot of the giving.. :) (The girls will be sporting a tutu and necklace, and the boys will be sporting fireman hats and clip on ties for our 'tea' party - all that they get to take home with them!!!)
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| Homemade is still the way to do it! |
To me, the special handmade touch adds so much to 'gifts'. Not only is a one-of-a-kind item, it also provides a great time to do something with the kids. Helping them to be creative and be able to execute their own ideas for things is so important!
BTW our daughter informed me last night that she would rather dress as a pirate for her party than wear a tutu... so I guess we will see how that turns out. :)
Monday, 19 August 2013
9 Months Old... and Oh How Things Have Changed!
It is so hard to believe that my boys are nine months old today! It literally feels like yesterday that they were born! Although a lot of the last nine months have been sleep deprived, I am excited to say that I can remember a lot since their birth and have thoroughly enjoyed parenting these rambunctious little boys so far. :)
I remember when they were both sharing a bassinette and they had extra room! I remember when they fit into premie clothes (they were born 6lbs and 6lbs1.5oz, so they didn't wear premie for longer than a week). Oh, how times have changed! Where did my little boys go!?! They are now crawling, standing, taking assisted steps, eating food (and loving it!), and playing together and with their sister! I wish I could keep them tiny forever, but that just isn't how things go.
I think that life is pretty funny. Things have changed so much since I was pregnant with them and had them, and I sometimes just have to sit there and shake my head at myself. Everything is working amazing and days are consistently less stressful (although I think that with our daughter we had a case of the Terrific Twos and are entering the Terrible Threes - I'll save that for another post though). So many things have changed and they are shaping who I am and who our family is. It is wonderful.
BEFORE BIRTH (BB): I hope that I can nurse these boys.
AFTER BIRTH (AB): I am just going to nurse these boys until 6 months..... I am just going to nurse these boys until 9 months.
NOW: I am going to nurse these boys until they self-wean... why not!?! All the hard work is done. Now is the easy time!
*If you aren't into extended breastfeeding, then too bad. It is the best that I can give my kids, and it is not too bad for the waistline... although I have to admit that the midnight snacks so that I am not starving through the night while nursing probably counter any weight advantage that nursing gives me!
BB: Just slice me open, I do not want to deal with the stress of delivery.
AB: Well, that went smoothly... Would have loved more than 2 minutes between their arrivals! (My OB was so right about going for a natural delivery, by the way. It went amazingly!)
NOW: Ya, I'd do that again. Easy, peasy!
*I realize that not everyone has smooth and easy labour and deliveries. We made the decision that was best for us, and, by the advice of my OB, we felt that I would be fine and that, if they babies were healthy, they would be fine as well. We all did great and they boys had no issues, even though they were 3.5 weeks early. No time in a NICU and no concerns! What a blessing!
BB: While you are doing my C-Section, tie my tubes. There is no way that I want more kids after this!
AB: <Before even leaving the hospital> I could do this again. I want more kids.
NOW: I want one more.... Ok, maybe two if we wait long enough to have the next one.
*My daughter told me yesterday that I was going to have three babies next time... um, scary.. very scary.. considering she was telling me I was going to have twins this last time... and I did. Large families do not scare me; however, fitting a larger family into this house does.
BB: I am going to need help!
AB: I've got this...
NOW: Still pretty much got this, but appreciate any help I can get. :)
*See my previous 'Supermom' post. :)
One thing that I find absolutely amazing is how BIG my heart has become. I had often wondered how I would be able to share my love with all of my kids. It is so true that your heart expands and you love each child completely and differently, yet you love them all the same as you kids. It is craziness that is so hard to explain. I love my kids. I love being their mom and watching them grow. It is a love that I never knew existed before having children.
I guess the bottom line is that I love my kids.... and that is something that will never change. :)
I remember when they were both sharing a bassinette and they had extra room! I remember when they fit into premie clothes (they were born 6lbs and 6lbs1.5oz, so they didn't wear premie for longer than a week). Oh, how times have changed! Where did my little boys go!?! They are now crawling, standing, taking assisted steps, eating food (and loving it!), and playing together and with their sister! I wish I could keep them tiny forever, but that just isn't how things go.
I think that life is pretty funny. Things have changed so much since I was pregnant with them and had them, and I sometimes just have to sit there and shake my head at myself. Everything is working amazing and days are consistently less stressful (although I think that with our daughter we had a case of the Terrific Twos and are entering the Terrible Threes - I'll save that for another post though). So many things have changed and they are shaping who I am and who our family is. It is wonderful.
BEFORE BIRTH (BB): I hope that I can nurse these boys.
AFTER BIRTH (AB): I am just going to nurse these boys until 6 months..... I am just going to nurse these boys until 9 months.
NOW: I am going to nurse these boys until they self-wean... why not!?! All the hard work is done. Now is the easy time!
*If you aren't into extended breastfeeding, then too bad. It is the best that I can give my kids, and it is not too bad for the waistline... although I have to admit that the midnight snacks so that I am not starving through the night while nursing probably counter any weight advantage that nursing gives me!
BB: Just slice me open, I do not want to deal with the stress of delivery.
AB: Well, that went smoothly... Would have loved more than 2 minutes between their arrivals! (My OB was so right about going for a natural delivery, by the way. It went amazingly!)
NOW: Ya, I'd do that again. Easy, peasy!
*I realize that not everyone has smooth and easy labour and deliveries. We made the decision that was best for us, and, by the advice of my OB, we felt that I would be fine and that, if they babies were healthy, they would be fine as well. We all did great and they boys had no issues, even though they were 3.5 weeks early. No time in a NICU and no concerns! What a blessing!
BB: While you are doing my C-Section, tie my tubes. There is no way that I want more kids after this!
AB: <Before even leaving the hospital> I could do this again. I want more kids.
NOW: I want one more.... Ok, maybe two if we wait long enough to have the next one.
*My daughter told me yesterday that I was going to have three babies next time... um, scary.. very scary.. considering she was telling me I was going to have twins this last time... and I did. Large families do not scare me; however, fitting a larger family into this house does.
BB: I am going to need help!
AB: I've got this...
NOW: Still pretty much got this, but appreciate any help I can get. :)
*See my previous 'Supermom' post. :)
One thing that I find absolutely amazing is how BIG my heart has become. I had often wondered how I would be able to share my love with all of my kids. It is so true that your heart expands and you love each child completely and differently, yet you love them all the same as you kids. It is craziness that is so hard to explain. I love my kids. I love being their mom and watching them grow. It is a love that I never knew existed before having children.
I guess the bottom line is that I love my kids.... and that is something that will never change. :)
Sunday, 11 August 2013
The Stages of Sleep Deprivation
I have been blessed with amazingly awesome children. They eat, sleep and poop like pros, which is all that I can ask for at their ages! That said, I have done 100% of the night feedings for the twins. So, considering I slept approximately 4 hours a night the two weeks before they were born and they are eight and a half months, I am going on nine months now of sleeping, on average, about 4-5 hours of sleep... From someone who cherishes a solid eight hours and could nap anytime previous to having kids, this is not the easiest thing to deal with.
I have noticed a distinct pattern developing whenever I get to my breaking point of 'NEED SLEEP NOW.' It repeats itself over and over, and I must say that it is kind of entertaining.. Each stage can last for a number of days (at least for myself), and the result always ends up the same.. going through all the stages over and over.. back to stage 1.
Stage 1 - Just feeling tired.
Last night, I just didn't get enough sleep. I feel kind of sluggish. A nap would be awesome.
Stage 2 - What (yawn) was that again?
Last night, I just didn't get enough sleep. I keep yawning, and that interrupts life a little bit. I yawn, which makes others yawn. Now the dog is yawning. Maybe I should make an effort to get a nap today. Nah, it's not that bad.
Stage 3 - The drinking starts....
Last night, I must have been partying instead of sleeping, because my eyes are so red and watery! Nope! Just didn't really get any sleep. I can still see straight, so, obviously, a nap isn't necessary. Maybe, if the opportunity presents itself, I will take one.
Stage 4 - My brain is about to explode.
Last night.... wait a minute as I apply pressure.... I didn't get that much...... more pressure.... sleep.. Ok, it's passed... These headaches come and go, so nothing worth worrying about. Probably should really start to try to get a nap. Maybe I'll try to get the kids down at the same time so I can rest.
Stage 5 - The twitch.....
Last night, I don't think I slept at all. Well, I know that I did, but, man, I need to get back in bed. Hey, why are you in the fridge? You already have a milk cup? <Eye twitch> Why are you guys crying? <Eye twitch> Please, wear your pants outside! <Eye twitch> Ok, I concede, I officially need sleep. Right now.
Now, this is when I know that I have reached the end of my sleep deprived state. When I reach this point, there is no question. I WILL be falling asleep that night or the next. I will not have a choice. Head will hit pillow and I will be out. The boys will have to cry a bit harder to wake me up if needed. It isn't often that I hit the twitch stage anymore, as I have realized that developing an eye twitch because of being tired is probably not a very healthy habit to keep.
On the flip side, can't eye twitches be intimidating? I will have to keep that in mind in case I need to deal with anything in the future.. :D Have a good night!
I have noticed a distinct pattern developing whenever I get to my breaking point of 'NEED SLEEP NOW.' It repeats itself over and over, and I must say that it is kind of entertaining.. Each stage can last for a number of days (at least for myself), and the result always ends up the same.. going through all the stages over and over.. back to stage 1.
Stage 1 - Just feeling tired.
Last night, I just didn't get enough sleep. I feel kind of sluggish. A nap would be awesome.
Stage 2 - What (yawn) was that again?
Last night, I just didn't get enough sleep. I keep yawning, and that interrupts life a little bit. I yawn, which makes others yawn. Now the dog is yawning. Maybe I should make an effort to get a nap today. Nah, it's not that bad.
Stage 3 - The drinking starts....
Last night, I must have been partying instead of sleeping, because my eyes are so red and watery! Nope! Just didn't really get any sleep. I can still see straight, so, obviously, a nap isn't necessary. Maybe, if the opportunity presents itself, I will take one.
Stage 4 - My brain is about to explode.
Last night.... wait a minute as I apply pressure.... I didn't get that much...... more pressure.... sleep.. Ok, it's passed... These headaches come and go, so nothing worth worrying about. Probably should really start to try to get a nap. Maybe I'll try to get the kids down at the same time so I can rest.
Stage 5 - The twitch.....
Last night, I don't think I slept at all. Well, I know that I did, but, man, I need to get back in bed. Hey, why are you in the fridge? You already have a milk cup? <Eye twitch> Why are you guys crying? <Eye twitch> Please, wear your pants outside! <Eye twitch> Ok, I concede, I officially need sleep. Right now.
Now, this is when I know that I have reached the end of my sleep deprived state. When I reach this point, there is no question. I WILL be falling asleep that night or the next. I will not have a choice. Head will hit pillow and I will be out. The boys will have to cry a bit harder to wake me up if needed. It isn't often that I hit the twitch stage anymore, as I have realized that developing an eye twitch because of being tired is probably not a very healthy habit to keep.
On the flip side, can't eye twitches be intimidating? I will have to keep that in mind in case I need to deal with anything in the future.. :D Have a good night!
INSMOMNIA
Many people have noticed that I am a night owl, or, rather, that I am often posting online at nighttime. Nighttime is when I respond to emails, play some online games, and, maybe, if I am REALLY lucky, read a book. All of this can be done while nursing the boys or in between feeds. It is not because I love to be awake through the night. It is because I suffer from (what I would like to call) INSMOMNIA.
Any mother can tell you that, after having a baby, sleep changes. It isn't simply just sleep anymore. If you aren't watching the clock for the first bit wondering about a feed, then your brain just doesn't want to shut off. I have spoken to many other moms, who have also found the same thing to be true. The kids are in bed. The house is quiet. Now, it is time to sleep... Oh, wait... that just doesn't happen.
As a person who really, REALLY loves sleep, trust me when I say that I truly would love to be sleeping right now. However, I have resigned myself to the fact that I need some 'me' time before I can actually fall asleep. The boys are at the stage where I can flit about the house doing housework, showering or just relaxing having no child to care for while they are asleep. It is awesome. However, when that happens, I still find that I can go to bed and it takes HOURS to fall asleep. So tired, yet sleep will not come!
This is exactly where reconnecting with my inner self (ME!!!) comes into play. When I can just relax and delve into something that I enjoy before I try to sleep (for example, writing a post on here), then I can lay down and I will guarantee that I will sleep well (and snore, because, apparently, I snore when I am sleeping really deeply). It really isn't that being a mom isn't fulfilling, but, rather, that my mind needs to be reminded that I AM A PERSON TOO.. Not just a mom. Not just a cook. Not just a maid. Not anything else at times other than an individual who wants and needs to sit down and do nothing except what I want to do. Everyone deserves that. It is a basic need. Enjoyment in life. (Yes, I enjoy my kids, but that is totally different than what I am talking about.)
I don't know that insmomnia can be a clinical diagnosis, but I do know that it exists. For me, just remembering that I have a brain outside of mommyhood is cure enough. Brains are pretty cool, after all. The more that they are exercised, the more they serve us well. Believe me, I need my brain to keep up on the service, because the boys have just started to crawl, and I am sure that will be another post altogether soon enough. :)
Any mother can tell you that, after having a baby, sleep changes. It isn't simply just sleep anymore. If you aren't watching the clock for the first bit wondering about a feed, then your brain just doesn't want to shut off. I have spoken to many other moms, who have also found the same thing to be true. The kids are in bed. The house is quiet. Now, it is time to sleep... Oh, wait... that just doesn't happen.
As a person who really, REALLY loves sleep, trust me when I say that I truly would love to be sleeping right now. However, I have resigned myself to the fact that I need some 'me' time before I can actually fall asleep. The boys are at the stage where I can flit about the house doing housework, showering or just relaxing having no child to care for while they are asleep. It is awesome. However, when that happens, I still find that I can go to bed and it takes HOURS to fall asleep. So tired, yet sleep will not come!
This is exactly where reconnecting with my inner self (ME!!!) comes into play. When I can just relax and delve into something that I enjoy before I try to sleep (for example, writing a post on here), then I can lay down and I will guarantee that I will sleep well (and snore, because, apparently, I snore when I am sleeping really deeply). It really isn't that being a mom isn't fulfilling, but, rather, that my mind needs to be reminded that I AM A PERSON TOO.. Not just a mom. Not just a cook. Not just a maid. Not anything else at times other than an individual who wants and needs to sit down and do nothing except what I want to do. Everyone deserves that. It is a basic need. Enjoyment in life. (Yes, I enjoy my kids, but that is totally different than what I am talking about.)
I don't know that insmomnia can be a clinical diagnosis, but I do know that it exists. For me, just remembering that I have a brain outside of mommyhood is cure enough. Brains are pretty cool, after all. The more that they are exercised, the more they serve us well. Believe me, I need my brain to keep up on the service, because the boys have just started to crawl, and I am sure that will be another post altogether soon enough. :)
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
The Pecking Order
Hi All! Hope this doesn't ruffle feathers. I am not saying that any kind of parenting style is bad. I am simply stating what works best for me and my family. No hate being dished out. :D Have fun reading!
For a long time, I wondered to what 'parenting group' I actually fit. What described me as a parent? You watch TV on any given day and they have so many experts with so many different techniques describing the right and wrong ways to approach parenting. They all have titles, yet so many of them are similar. There are some that are different, but they are all labelled regardless. Where am I on the big list of parenting styles? What if I don't really fit into any of the categories? If my decisions leave me low on the pecking order of parenting styles, will my children end up being less productive and happy as adults? Let's face it. The decisions that we make for our little ones now can have a lasting effect.
I had often referred to our parenting style as an 'on demand' parenting style, where the baby led the way with what it needed in regards to food, sleep, and comfort. Our life largely consists of meeting the children's needs and encouraging them to grow healthily and happily. How do the experts even come up with names for parenting styles when there are so many variables? Do any of them make you a good or bad parent?
A few of the key factors that define us as parents are things that many people will never understand, unless they have practiced it themselves. What we do works wonderfully in our family, and our children are happy and content (most of the time... let's be honest, no one is content and happy 100% if the time). What we do, however, may not work for others. Each baby is different. Each parent is different. It is all about finding the happy place for everyone and going with the flow... unless you are a stuck up parent who needs to have it your way... and, in that case, have fun with that. :) (Personally, I find it counterproductive to fight against one's natural clock.)
I have not necessarily wanted to be included in the 'granola' parenting group. Yes, we co-sleep with the kids and do not let them cry it out. Yes, I babywear on occasion (especially if I am about to cry it out!). Yes, I plan to do extended breastfeeding with the boys (although if they self-wean, I would not be broken hearted at this point). I love all of these things, and I know that my kids benefit from all of these things, but there are things that some extreme 'crunchy' moms do that make me not want to be categorized as such. Like, for instance, I do vaccinate my children. I do believe that epidurals are not harmful in the labour and delivery process. The list can go on and on.
I don't think I can fit into the more 'strict' parenting styles either (I am trying to think of a word other than strict for the description, but nothing good comes to mind - structured, forced, scheduled... if I think of it, I will change it). My kids do not have set bedtimes. They don't have set meals. They wake and eat as they please, and, surprisingly, they are often all on the same, or similar, schedule. I know that many moms, especially work out of the home moms and other moms of twins, need set schedules and structure in their days just to make it. However, that seems to complicate my day more. For example, I had a great idea the other day. Since one baby was sleeping, I would just nurse the other to sleep as well. Hahahaha. He had other plans. After trying for about almost an hour to nurse and snuggle him to sleep, he was wide awake still - and I was frustrated. Why on earth would I stress myself out over fighting with their natural clocks.
Everything has it's risks and benefits. Raising children with or without religion (choose wisely on this one, as sometimes, what is taught is not always what you think). Raising children with or without consequences (... for the record, my kids are not too good to hear the word 'NO' or the phrase 'you are being BAD!'. I have a two year old with very intact self-esteem to prove that this does not harm their little egos!). Putting children into single language or multi-language schools (Better options for future employment, but English learning may suffer slightly.). Going back to work while the kids are young (Hey, sometimes staying at home is not an option or a desire!). .... Everything we choose for our children will somehow shape who they are as adults. I don't think it is possible to sum up all decisions and fit any parent into a particular category.
I have finally found a parenting style that I almost completely fit! It is referred to at the Wait It Out method of parenting. It is summed up as a parenting style that is led by the child's own development, not by our schedules, not by what we or the world think should be happening at that point in life. Let's be real here. You wake up sometimes at night and want a drink. You are an adult. Why the heck can't I expect the same of my babies? When they are at the point where they do not need to wake up at night, then they won't. Simple as that. If they feel the need to snuggle up at night, then they do. They are remarkably independent and social babies. If you have never heard of the phrase "Wait It Out", I highly suggest looking it up. I am so happy we are WIO parents, as I really know that this is giving our kids what they need on a daily (and even by the minute) basis.
Titles really don't mean that much to me. Fitting into a category once in a blue moon might make conversation easier sometimes when child-rearing is the topic. It's not all in a name. It's in your day to day interactions with your children. You kids will be the testament of if your parenting style worked or not. The pecking order of parenting styles doesn't really have one method listed as better than another. It is usually just when discussing things with other parents that the claws can come out and the pecking order is established. It is kind of sad actually. All of us just want to have happy families, so let's leave the pecking order out of it.
For a long time, I wondered to what 'parenting group' I actually fit. What described me as a parent? You watch TV on any given day and they have so many experts with so many different techniques describing the right and wrong ways to approach parenting. They all have titles, yet so many of them are similar. There are some that are different, but they are all labelled regardless. Where am I on the big list of parenting styles? What if I don't really fit into any of the categories? If my decisions leave me low on the pecking order of parenting styles, will my children end up being less productive and happy as adults? Let's face it. The decisions that we make for our little ones now can have a lasting effect.
I had often referred to our parenting style as an 'on demand' parenting style, where the baby led the way with what it needed in regards to food, sleep, and comfort. Our life largely consists of meeting the children's needs and encouraging them to grow healthily and happily. How do the experts even come up with names for parenting styles when there are so many variables? Do any of them make you a good or bad parent?
A few of the key factors that define us as parents are things that many people will never understand, unless they have practiced it themselves. What we do works wonderfully in our family, and our children are happy and content (most of the time... let's be honest, no one is content and happy 100% if the time). What we do, however, may not work for others. Each baby is different. Each parent is different. It is all about finding the happy place for everyone and going with the flow... unless you are a stuck up parent who needs to have it your way... and, in that case, have fun with that. :) (Personally, I find it counterproductive to fight against one's natural clock.)
I have not necessarily wanted to be included in the 'granola' parenting group. Yes, we co-sleep with the kids and do not let them cry it out. Yes, I babywear on occasion (especially if I am about to cry it out!). Yes, I plan to do extended breastfeeding with the boys (although if they self-wean, I would not be broken hearted at this point). I love all of these things, and I know that my kids benefit from all of these things, but there are things that some extreme 'crunchy' moms do that make me not want to be categorized as such. Like, for instance, I do vaccinate my children. I do believe that epidurals are not harmful in the labour and delivery process. The list can go on and on.
I don't think I can fit into the more 'strict' parenting styles either (I am trying to think of a word other than strict for the description, but nothing good comes to mind - structured, forced, scheduled... if I think of it, I will change it). My kids do not have set bedtimes. They don't have set meals. They wake and eat as they please, and, surprisingly, they are often all on the same, or similar, schedule. I know that many moms, especially work out of the home moms and other moms of twins, need set schedules and structure in their days just to make it. However, that seems to complicate my day more. For example, I had a great idea the other day. Since one baby was sleeping, I would just nurse the other to sleep as well. Hahahaha. He had other plans. After trying for about almost an hour to nurse and snuggle him to sleep, he was wide awake still - and I was frustrated. Why on earth would I stress myself out over fighting with their natural clocks.
Everything has it's risks and benefits. Raising children with or without religion (choose wisely on this one, as sometimes, what is taught is not always what you think). Raising children with or without consequences (... for the record, my kids are not too good to hear the word 'NO' or the phrase 'you are being BAD!'. I have a two year old with very intact self-esteem to prove that this does not harm their little egos!). Putting children into single language or multi-language schools (Better options for future employment, but English learning may suffer slightly.). Going back to work while the kids are young (Hey, sometimes staying at home is not an option or a desire!). .... Everything we choose for our children will somehow shape who they are as adults. I don't think it is possible to sum up all decisions and fit any parent into a particular category.
I have finally found a parenting style that I almost completely fit! It is referred to at the Wait It Out method of parenting. It is summed up as a parenting style that is led by the child's own development, not by our schedules, not by what we or the world think should be happening at that point in life. Let's be real here. You wake up sometimes at night and want a drink. You are an adult. Why the heck can't I expect the same of my babies? When they are at the point where they do not need to wake up at night, then they won't. Simple as that. If they feel the need to snuggle up at night, then they do. They are remarkably independent and social babies. If you have never heard of the phrase "Wait It Out", I highly suggest looking it up. I am so happy we are WIO parents, as I really know that this is giving our kids what they need on a daily (and even by the minute) basis.
Titles really don't mean that much to me. Fitting into a category once in a blue moon might make conversation easier sometimes when child-rearing is the topic. It's not all in a name. It's in your day to day interactions with your children. You kids will be the testament of if your parenting style worked or not. The pecking order of parenting styles doesn't really have one method listed as better than another. It is usually just when discussing things with other parents that the claws can come out and the pecking order is established. It is kind of sad actually. All of us just want to have happy families, so let's leave the pecking order out of it.
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Born to Compete
As any parent can tell you, as soon as you have kids, the competition begins. Will your child start walking before your friend's child did? Will their child start talking before yours? The list of milestones and accomplishments is endless, as is the comparison of one child to another. There can be a lot of joy shared when you aren't comparing one child to another, but instead enjoying the children collectively growing up and learning new skills. Swapping stories of what is new with children is a great way for parents to bond.
There are times, however, when it can be frustrating to have your children always being compared to one another. As you will have read by now, we have identical twin boys, who are currently about 8 1/2 months old. They are a pleasure. As identical as they are, they are still their own individual and they do things on their own time. This does not make one slower and one faster. It simply means that everybody, regardless of DNA, is different. I have maintained from before they were born that they were their own person, just in a set. They get to share life with each other, which is a gift.
Lately, I am starting to wonder if the constant comparisons will be more of a curse than a gift. Two minutes apart at birth, yet, at times, so different in development.
Both babies started teething at the same time. Baby A's bottom two teeth broke through two week earlier than Baby B's did, however, Baby B was able to chew and swallow food about two weeks before Baby A. (So, apparently Baby B is slow to get teeth, and Baby A is slow to learn to chew.)
Baby A is very active and loves to be on the go. He has a sense of humour and loves to make people laugh. Baby B loves to study things. He has been saying 'Mama' when he needs me since about 6 months. He is active, too, but Baby A could run circles around him most days. (So apparently, Baby B is a genius, and Baby A is 'normal'.)
Both boys are amazing, yet different. I sometimes find myself wondering, almost to the point of worrying, if things aren't the same. Baby B is a hearty eater, as is Baby A, but Baby A can go days with eating less and be completely content. If I had one baby at a time, I would not feel like I am (or anyone else is) scrutinizing every little detail of their day. I work hard to make sure that they are treated the same and are given all that they need, and happy and healthy babies are the result.
Most days, I wouldn't think twice about differences between the boys.... and then, I go out in public. The questions that I am asked, which I am sure are well-intended, can sometimes stick with me. People's opinions of what 'should be' with twins versus reality can be hilarious and disturbing.
"Which one wakes more through the night?" (Hmmm, obviously he is the more cranky one... I always answer this with 'they both wake up. They are babies and I expect it at this age.')
"Which one cries more?"(Hmmmm, they are babies and they both cry at times??)
"Which one is bigger?" (Really??? They fluctuate back and forth. Look at them and try to tell for yourself! They have always been within 8oz of each other! Also, if I answer this question more correctly, then I am asked why one isn't keeping up with the other.. They are both healthy and not overweight or underweight! Why does it matter!?!)
I think a big part of what bugs me is that people are always trying to distinguish one as having a positive characteristic versus a negative one, and I try so hard not to view one baby as hard or easy against the other. Sure, they have their moments, but they are babies. I don't know any adults who never have a bad day, so why would I give one child up as the 'bad' one versus the 'good' one?
I often feel like people don't enjoy their accomplishments, as they then concern themselves with why the other has not reached that same milestone. Seriously, people, it is not that hard. Twins or not, all babies are different and special. Let's just be happy that they are happy and healthy and be excited that they are growing and learning all the time. :)
Hahaha, rant over. :) (This is not aimed at anyone in particular, and especially not at family members. It is something that has been bugging me, as people that I do not know sometimes leave a horrible impression of what they think should be going on in the boys' development. People need to keep their opinions to themselves.... or else posts like this happen! :D)
There are times, however, when it can be frustrating to have your children always being compared to one another. As you will have read by now, we have identical twin boys, who are currently about 8 1/2 months old. They are a pleasure. As identical as they are, they are still their own individual and they do things on their own time. This does not make one slower and one faster. It simply means that everybody, regardless of DNA, is different. I have maintained from before they were born that they were their own person, just in a set. They get to share life with each other, which is a gift.
Lately, I am starting to wonder if the constant comparisons will be more of a curse than a gift. Two minutes apart at birth, yet, at times, so different in development.
Both babies started teething at the same time. Baby A's bottom two teeth broke through two week earlier than Baby B's did, however, Baby B was able to chew and swallow food about two weeks before Baby A. (So, apparently Baby B is slow to get teeth, and Baby A is slow to learn to chew.)
Baby A is very active and loves to be on the go. He has a sense of humour and loves to make people laugh. Baby B loves to study things. He has been saying 'Mama' when he needs me since about 6 months. He is active, too, but Baby A could run circles around him most days. (So apparently, Baby B is a genius, and Baby A is 'normal'.)
Both boys are amazing, yet different. I sometimes find myself wondering, almost to the point of worrying, if things aren't the same. Baby B is a hearty eater, as is Baby A, but Baby A can go days with eating less and be completely content. If I had one baby at a time, I would not feel like I am (or anyone else is) scrutinizing every little detail of their day. I work hard to make sure that they are treated the same and are given all that they need, and happy and healthy babies are the result.
Most days, I wouldn't think twice about differences between the boys.... and then, I go out in public. The questions that I am asked, which I am sure are well-intended, can sometimes stick with me. People's opinions of what 'should be' with twins versus reality can be hilarious and disturbing.
"Which one wakes more through the night?" (Hmmm, obviously he is the more cranky one... I always answer this with 'they both wake up. They are babies and I expect it at this age.')
"Which one cries more?"(Hmmmm, they are babies and they both cry at times??)
"Which one is bigger?" (Really??? They fluctuate back and forth. Look at them and try to tell for yourself! They have always been within 8oz of each other! Also, if I answer this question more correctly, then I am asked why one isn't keeping up with the other.. They are both healthy and not overweight or underweight! Why does it matter!?!)
I think a big part of what bugs me is that people are always trying to distinguish one as having a positive characteristic versus a negative one, and I try so hard not to view one baby as hard or easy against the other. Sure, they have their moments, but they are babies. I don't know any adults who never have a bad day, so why would I give one child up as the 'bad' one versus the 'good' one?
I often feel like people don't enjoy their accomplishments, as they then concern themselves with why the other has not reached that same milestone. Seriously, people, it is not that hard. Twins or not, all babies are different and special. Let's just be happy that they are happy and healthy and be excited that they are growing and learning all the time. :)
Hahaha, rant over. :) (This is not aimed at anyone in particular, and especially not at family members. It is something that has been bugging me, as people that I do not know sometimes leave a horrible impression of what they think should be going on in the boys' development. People need to keep their opinions to themselves.... or else posts like this happen! :D)
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