Born to Compete

As any parent can tell you, as soon as you have kids, the competition begins. Will your child start walking before your friend's child did? Will their child start talking before yours? The list of milestones and accomplishments is endless, as is the comparison of one child to another. There can be a lot of joy shared when you aren't comparing one child to another, but instead enjoying the children collectively growing up and learning new skills. Swapping stories of what is new with children is a great way for parents to bond.

There are times, however, when it can be frustrating to have your children always being compared to one another. As you will have read by now, we have identical twin boys, who are currently about 8 1/2 months old. They are a pleasure. As identical as they are, they are still their own individual and they do things on their own time. This does not make one slower and one faster. It simply means that everybody, regardless of DNA, is different. I have maintained from before they were born that they were their own person, just in a set. They get to share life with each other, which is a gift.

Lately, I am starting to wonder if the constant comparisons will be more of a curse than a gift. Two minutes apart at birth, yet, at times, so different in development.

Both babies started teething at the same time. Baby A's bottom two teeth broke through two week earlier than Baby B's did, however, Baby B was able to chew and swallow food about two weeks before Baby A. (So, apparently Baby B is slow to get teeth, and Baby A is slow to learn to chew.)

Baby A is very active and loves to be on the go. He has a sense of humour and loves to make people laugh. Baby B loves to study things. He has been saying 'Mama' when he needs me since about 6 months. He is active, too, but Baby A could run circles around him most days. (So apparently, Baby B is a genius, and Baby A is 'normal'.)

Both boys are amazing, yet different. I sometimes find myself wondering, almost to the point of worrying, if things aren't the same. Baby B is a hearty eater, as is Baby A, but Baby A can go days with eating less and be completely content. If I had one baby at a time, I would not feel like I am (or anyone else is) scrutinizing every little detail of their day. I work hard to make sure that they are treated the same and are given all that they need, and happy and healthy babies are the result.

Most days, I wouldn't think twice about differences between the boys.... and then, I go out in public. The questions that I am asked, which I am sure are well-intended, can sometimes stick with me. People's opinions of what 'should be' with twins versus reality can be hilarious and disturbing.

"Which one wakes more through the night?" (Hmmm, obviously he is the more cranky one... I always answer this with 'they both wake up. They are babies and I expect it at this age.')

"Which one cries more?"(Hmmmm, they are babies and they both cry at times??)

"Which one is bigger?" (Really??? They fluctuate back and forth. Look at them and try to tell for yourself! They have always been within 8oz of each other! Also, if I answer this question more correctly, then I am asked why one isn't keeping up with the other.. They are both healthy and not overweight or underweight! Why does it matter!?!)

I think a big part of what bugs me is that people are always trying to distinguish one as having a positive characteristic versus a negative one, and I try so hard not to view one baby as hard or easy against the other. Sure, they have their moments, but they are babies. I don't know any adults who never have a bad day, so why would I give one child up as the 'bad' one versus the 'good' one?

I often feel like people don't enjoy their accomplishments, as they then concern themselves with why the other has not reached that same milestone. Seriously, people, it is not that hard. Twins or not, all babies are different and special. Let's just be happy that they are happy and healthy and be excited that they are growing and learning all the time. :)

Hahaha, rant over. :)  (This is not aimed at anyone in particular, and especially not at family members. It is something that has been bugging me, as people that I do not know sometimes leave a horrible impression of what they think should be going on in the boys' development. People need to keep their opinions to themselves.... or else posts like this happen! :D)