Hi All! Hope this doesn't ruffle feathers. I am not saying that any kind of parenting style is bad. I am simply stating what works best for me and my family. No hate being dished out. :D Have fun reading!
For a long time, I wondered to what 'parenting group' I actually fit. What described me as a parent? You watch TV on any given day and they have so many experts with so many different techniques describing the right and wrong ways to approach parenting. They all have titles, yet so many of them are similar. There are some that are different, but they are all labelled regardless. Where am I on the big list of parenting styles? What if I don't really fit into any of the categories? If my decisions leave me low on the pecking order of parenting styles, will my children end up being less productive and happy as adults? Let's face it. The decisions that we make for our little ones now can have a lasting effect.
I had often referred to our parenting style as an 'on demand' parenting style, where the baby led the way with what it needed in regards to food, sleep, and comfort. Our life largely consists of meeting the children's needs and encouraging them to grow healthily and happily. How do the experts even come up with names for parenting styles when there are so many variables? Do any of them make you a good or bad parent?
A few of the key factors that define us as parents are things that many people will never understand, unless they have practiced it themselves. What we do works wonderfully in our family, and our children are happy and content (most of the time... let's be honest, no one is content and happy 100% if the time). What we do, however, may not work for others. Each baby is different. Each parent is different. It is all about finding the happy place for everyone and going with the flow... unless you are a stuck up parent who needs to have it your way... and, in that case, have fun with that. :) (Personally, I find it counterproductive to fight against one's natural clock.)
I have not necessarily wanted to be included in the 'granola' parenting group. Yes, we co-sleep with the kids and do not let them cry it out. Yes, I babywear on occasion (especially if I am about to cry it out!). Yes, I plan to do extended breastfeeding with the boys (although if they self-wean, I would not be broken hearted at this point). I love all of these things, and I know that my kids benefit from all of these things, but there are things that some extreme 'crunchy' moms do that make me not want to be categorized as such. Like, for instance, I do vaccinate my children. I do believe that epidurals are not harmful in the labour and delivery process. The list can go on and on.
I don't think I can fit into the more 'strict' parenting styles either (I am trying to think of a word other than strict for the description, but nothing good comes to mind - structured, forced, scheduled... if I think of it, I will change it). My kids do not have set bedtimes. They don't have set meals. They wake and eat as they please, and, surprisingly, they are often all on the same, or similar, schedule. I know that many moms, especially work out of the home moms and other moms of twins, need set schedules and structure in their days just to make it. However, that seems to complicate my day more. For example, I had a great idea the other day. Since one baby was sleeping, I would just nurse the other to sleep as well. Hahahaha. He had other plans. After trying for about almost an hour to nurse and snuggle him to sleep, he was wide awake still - and I was frustrated. Why on earth would I stress myself out over fighting with their natural clocks.
Everything has it's risks and benefits. Raising children with or without religion (choose wisely on this one, as sometimes, what is taught is not always what you think). Raising children with or without consequences (... for the record, my kids are not too good to hear the word 'NO' or the phrase 'you are being BAD!'. I have a two year old with very intact self-esteem to prove that this does not harm their little egos!). Putting children into single language or multi-language schools (Better options for future employment, but English learning may suffer slightly.). Going back to work while the kids are young (Hey, sometimes staying at home is not an option or a desire!). .... Everything we choose for our children will somehow shape who they are as adults. I don't think it is possible to sum up all decisions and fit any parent into a particular category.
I have finally found a parenting style that I almost completely fit! It is referred to at the Wait It Out method of parenting. It is summed up as a parenting style that is led by the child's own development, not by our schedules, not by what we or the world think should be happening at that point in life. Let's be real here. You wake up sometimes at night and want a drink. You are an adult. Why the heck can't I expect the same of my babies? When they are at the point where they do not need to wake up at night, then they won't. Simple as that. If they feel the need to snuggle up at night, then they do. They are remarkably independent and social babies. If you have never heard of the phrase "Wait It Out", I highly suggest looking it up. I am so happy we are WIO parents, as I really know that this is giving our kids what they need on a daily (and even by the minute) basis.
Titles really don't mean that much to me. Fitting into a category once in a blue moon might make conversation easier sometimes when child-rearing is the topic. It's not all in a name. It's in your day to day interactions with your children. You kids will be the testament of if your parenting style worked or not. The pecking order of parenting styles doesn't really have one method listed as better than another. It is usually just when discussing things with other parents that the claws can come out and the pecking order is established. It is kind of sad actually. All of us just want to have happy families, so let's leave the pecking order out of it.
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