INSMOMNIA

Many people have noticed that I am a night owl, or, rather, that I am often posting online at nighttime. Nighttime is when I respond to emails, play some online games, and, maybe, if I am REALLY lucky, read a book. All of this can be done while nursing the boys or in between feeds. It is not because I love to be awake through the night. It is because I suffer from (what I would like to call) INSMOMNIA.

Any mother can tell you that, after having a baby, sleep changes. It isn't simply just sleep anymore. If you aren't watching the clock for the first bit wondering about a feed, then your brain just doesn't want to shut off. I have spoken to many other moms, who have also found the same thing to be true. The kids are in bed. The house is quiet. Now, it is time to sleep... Oh, wait... that just doesn't happen.

As a person who really, REALLY loves sleep, trust me when I say that I truly would love to be sleeping right now. However, I have resigned myself to the fact that I need some 'me' time before I can actually fall asleep. The boys are at the stage where I can flit about the house doing housework, showering or just relaxing having no child to care for while they are asleep. It is awesome. However, when that happens, I still find that I can go to bed and it takes HOURS to fall asleep. So tired, yet sleep will not come!

This is exactly where reconnecting with my inner self (ME!!!) comes into play. When I can just relax and delve into something that I enjoy before I try to sleep (for example, writing a post on here), then I can lay down and I will guarantee that I will sleep well (and snore, because, apparently, I snore when I am sleeping really deeply). It really isn't that being a mom isn't fulfilling, but, rather, that my mind needs to be reminded that I AM A PERSON TOO.. Not just a mom. Not just a cook. Not just a maid. Not anything else at times other than an individual who wants and needs to sit down and do nothing except what I want to do. Everyone deserves that. It is a basic need. Enjoyment in life. (Yes, I enjoy my kids, but that is totally different than what I am talking about.)

I don't know that insmomnia can be a clinical diagnosis, but I do know that it exists. For me, just remembering that I have a brain outside of mommyhood is cure enough. Brains are pretty cool, after all. The more that they are exercised, the more they serve us well. Believe me, I need my brain to keep up on the service, because the boys have just started to crawl, and I am sure that will be another post altogether soon enough. :)