This likely sounds like a crazy resolution to make. It's something that raises a lot of eyebrows. However, it's likely not at all what you think.
I'm a chronic people pleaser, of sorts. I put the needs of others before my own. Almost all of the time. It comes with the mom territory. It comes with the wife territory. It comes with the restaurant territory.
It's a resolution that I had been thinking about for a while, but was actually scared to voice. Committing to it is actually scary. It's unknown territory. It's uncomfortable territory. It's territory that needs to be reclaimed.
Almost a week into 2016, and I actually feel like maybe, just maybe, I can make ME a priority. This is exciting. I don't know me anymore!
"Hey, Sharon!! It's been years!! What do you want to do? What do you enjoy doing? Sit down for a minute and do nothing!!"
The last few months have not been my best. I am a busy woman. I love being busy. I thrive while being busy.... however, I've been learning that I do not know how to slow down. It's either full tilt or I feel like I'm going to go crazy. ... I know that this has a lot to do with outside stresses, but bear with me. ;)
About a week after surgery (SHHHHH! When I FINALLY allowed myself to do nothing but concentrate on healing!! :S ), I woke up from a nap and had no motivation. None. Gone. No desire to even move. My mind immediately went to everything that needed to be done around the house. I fell asleep. ... it was a glorious and freeing moment.... followed by that awful mommy guilt. Laundry needed to be folded. Kids needed to be cuddled. Meals needed to be planned. The list can go on and on.
I started to worry about how I had 'let myself go' to even get to the point where I didn't get up and immediately tend to what everyone else might need and what needed to be done. After all, I wasn't dying, so why shouldn't I just pull it together!?!?!
It took many people telling me that I have every right to just do nothing and heal. Better yet, I started to realize that I didn't even know how to prioritize myself, even my health, enough to help myself. I'm in a sad state of self neglect for the betterment of everyone and anyone around me.
I commit to things that spread me thin. I want to have a 'company-ready' house all the time... which is nearly impossible with 6 people and a dog living in small quarters - but I try. I might actually be tasking myself to death. .... to forget and not deal with things that are reality sometimes, I'm sure.
2015 was full of so many changes, some joyous and some devastating. I'm not going to say that I came out unscathed, because I didn't. I'm still nursing some of the wounds that came with last year, and I likely will be for some time. That said, now more than ever, I need to learn to cut myself some slack. I need to be selfish.
When I say that I need to be selfish, it's mostly about making sure that I am taking care of myself, too. As a mom, wife, and business owner (my sister is my partner, thankfully, or I'd be in WAY over my head), I need to keep in mind that if I don't take care of myself, no one else likely will. The best thing that I can do for everyone who relies on me is to be healthy and happy. However, that doesn't come easy for someone whose happiness comes most easily by making others happy.
(Hahahaha, even as I'm writing this, I can feel the inner struggle and see how much 'being selfish' will be a challenge!! :D that's ok. I will get there!)
Some of the goals that I have personally made to 'Be Selfish' are:
- Turn off after 9 pm. Chores after that can wait until the morning!! (Exemptions are childcare and if a load needs to be put into the dryer... other than that, it's about enjoyment! .. and I love this so far!)
- Write more!
- Read more!
- Have NO KIDS in the bathroom with me!!
- Start to travel again
- Get more connected at church!
- Say 'NO' when I know it will be pushing me to my limit.
- Stay in bed longer when I can or take naps!
- Take more showers! (don't laugh... as a mom with little kids, this can be a challenge!)
- Make a schedule at work that will consistently not be too much.
- Connect with friends! (ummmmm, do I even have any left!?!?! :S hahaha, seriously though....)
- Go to concerts!
It's a start! I'm finding that retraining my thoughts to self care is very hard! I'm so used to taking care of all other needs first! I will keep plugging away though!!
What are your resolutions? Are you being realistic? I hope that if you find you can relate to me and need to rediscover how to meet your own needs, you allow yourself to do just that. If you're already helping and prioritizing others, imagine how much more you can offer if you are in better health to start. ;)
Love you all. Hope this helps anyone. :)
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