I learned the true meaning of the phrase "Home is where the heart is" today.
My husband and I have been debating on purchasing a business for the last week or so. The price is right. It is a field of work that I am comfortable and have experience doing. We would be able to handle it financially with some added income after all of the expenses. Not a bad looking option for sure. Our minds were pretty made up that, if we could arrange a few things, we were going to go ahead with it.
Another debate that we have been having on and off lately is if I can or will return to work when my maternity leave is done. The costs of childcare would require me to work full time. So do I take the plunge? Do I try to get back into the workforce and add some extra into our household from a financial prospective? Do I just try to 'pawn off' the kids to family so I can at least work a little bit? Do I just stay home with the kiddos?
Ugh. Decisions, decisions, decisions... Decisions have never been my strong point.
Then, breakfast happened. We got the boys into their highchairs and I started giving them their fruit and toast. It HIT me. Parenting these kids is so important to me. This is where I need to be. I am being completely selfish with my kids. I want to be the one to see their firsts. I want to feed them breakfast in the morning. I want to see how they are when they wake up. I want to raise them and not watch from afar as I work my butt off.
I've never felt so strongly about my role as a parent until this morning. Of course, I have ideas and opinions about parenting, and I have always said that I wanted to be home with them. I didn't realize that it could be so fulfilling to just be here and raise my kids. Sacrificing time with them as they are in such a fast-growing and exciting stage of life cannot be bought. I don't even think I could be happy if I knew that I was missing all that is to come.
So, for now, as I begin to work on my budget and prepare for possibly harder financial times (as my maternity leave is coming to an end soon), I am thankful that I will have time to watch the kids grow and play and be happy. My life will be happy. My life will be full enough, as I prepare for whatever our next step will be.
I will be exactly where I should be - where my heart is, and a big part of that is feeding my kids breakfast. :)
Monday, 29 July 2013
Dealing With An Apple
So, today, out of the blue, my daughter threw an apple at our relatively new TV. She threw it harder than I even knew she could throw. Apple pieces flew all over the place. Why?? I still have no idea. Was she dealt with or did we just laugh it off? She absolutely found out that throwing apples ANYWHERE is unacceptable. It was not a matter of us being worried about the TV. It is a matter of her learning not to throw things in the house and listening to the rules. It is a matter of her not becoming that D-bag or grinch that we all run into every once in a while.
Today, while my sister and I took 'the train' for a walk (aka myself, herself, the double stroller, single stroller and, in this case, the dog), a guy was waiting for cars to pass to turn into his driveway. He started turning in before we had even cleared his driveway and revved his engine... Ok. Kind of rude.... As soon as I am out of the way.. not even off his driveway yet totally, he pulls in so fast that he spits stones! Ok... Quite a D-bag move.. Like seriously?? The whole ten seconds that it took for us to walk across your driveway made you THAT impatient?? Really? How sad! I do not know what has made your day so terrible that you need to act so aggressively and irresponsibly. I could only shake my head as I kept walking. I am not about to argue with stupid behaviour of adults that I do not know.
Even better, earlier today, while my husband and I took out 'the train,' we ran into one of my favourite people that I see in town <please sense my sarcasm>. This woman has some background of harassing people in town, so perhaps I should delve into that quickly...
SIDE STORY: So, we took our dog for a walk when our daughter was very young, and we had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting a fellow dog owner in town. We were walking down a trail minding our own business and HER dog started barking at ours. Our dog barked a greeting and kept sniffing his side of the path as we walked. She went out of her way to tell us that she was deaf and her dog is a service dog and that we needed to get our dog under control. Say what?? Really lady?? I am quite sure that YOUR DOG BARKED FIRST! Now, I may not be the most educated person in the world, but I am not a dummy. We apologized and continued on our walk, which we were now walking BEHIND her... and talking about how stupid she was being... She turns around and starts yelling at us about how she was going to call in about our dog being out of control and to stop talking about her. HAHAHAHA. I have never known a deaf person who could hear a conversation that is taking place about 20 feet BEHIND them. Anyways, her dog was obviously not a service dog, or it was one of the worst trained service dogs ever. (It was pooping and peeing all over the park and she could hardly control the thing.) So, we continue to walk even further behind her, and she, yet again, tells us that we need to keep our dog away, because he is being aggressive. Um, lady, just because your dog will not listen to you because another dog is in the park, this is not our issue! SERIOUSLY! Ok.. enough back story. I think you get it... she told us we would be fined thousands of dollars for interfering with her dog... well, that didn't happen....
So, we saw this woman walking ahead of us today. We did not have our dog with us, but we definitely remembered who she was. We were chattering away between ourselves and with our daughter and sons, when we finally caught up with her. She looks at us and tells us to be quiet. Really lady? Aren't you supposed to be deaf? I'm sorry, but, if I want to talk to my kids, I am going to talk to my kids. This lady has quite the sense of entitlement and really things that everyone who she encounters needs to bow down to what she says. She uses her dog as ammo to keep people around her 'scared' that she will try to get them into trouble with the town. (I have many stories I can add about this woman, but I will end it here.. although what she expects of people is rather humorous.) I have to hold my tongue whenever I see her... (and I know that I am not the only one)... Seriously, though... my daughter is two and she loves being the boss during play time. It come off pretty rude to try to make other people obey you, especially for no good reason.
I know that everyone has bad days. Even I have been known to have a bad day on occasion. That said, why take it out on perfect strangers? Work a day in customer service (especially at a fast food restaurant) and you will find out just how many people are actually like this... and it's A LOT! I do not want my kids to be like that! I want them to be the ones giving smiles and joy to people, instead of being rude and ignorant. I just don't understand why people are so careless of how they treat others. I really hope to instill my kids with value for others, as much as themselves. Their world does not need to rotate only around themselves. That makes for a lonely life.
Future social behaviours might not come down to something as simple as a two year old throwing an apple at a TV once, but being rude and disrespectful starts somewhere... and if I don't deal with the apple, it will turn into an apple tree eventually, and those are much harder to handle.
Today, while my sister and I took 'the train' for a walk (aka myself, herself, the double stroller, single stroller and, in this case, the dog), a guy was waiting for cars to pass to turn into his driveway. He started turning in before we had even cleared his driveway and revved his engine... Ok. Kind of rude.... As soon as I am out of the way.. not even off his driveway yet totally, he pulls in so fast that he spits stones! Ok... Quite a D-bag move.. Like seriously?? The whole ten seconds that it took for us to walk across your driveway made you THAT impatient?? Really? How sad! I do not know what has made your day so terrible that you need to act so aggressively and irresponsibly. I could only shake my head as I kept walking. I am not about to argue with stupid behaviour of adults that I do not know.
Even better, earlier today, while my husband and I took out 'the train,' we ran into one of my favourite people that I see in town <please sense my sarcasm>. This woman has some background of harassing people in town, so perhaps I should delve into that quickly...
SIDE STORY: So, we took our dog for a walk when our daughter was very young, and we had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting a fellow dog owner in town. We were walking down a trail minding our own business and HER dog started barking at ours. Our dog barked a greeting and kept sniffing his side of the path as we walked. She went out of her way to tell us that she was deaf and her dog is a service dog and that we needed to get our dog under control. Say what?? Really lady?? I am quite sure that YOUR DOG BARKED FIRST! Now, I may not be the most educated person in the world, but I am not a dummy. We apologized and continued on our walk, which we were now walking BEHIND her... and talking about how stupid she was being... She turns around and starts yelling at us about how she was going to call in about our dog being out of control and to stop talking about her. HAHAHAHA. I have never known a deaf person who could hear a conversation that is taking place about 20 feet BEHIND them. Anyways, her dog was obviously not a service dog, or it was one of the worst trained service dogs ever. (It was pooping and peeing all over the park and she could hardly control the thing.) So, we continue to walk even further behind her, and she, yet again, tells us that we need to keep our dog away, because he is being aggressive. Um, lady, just because your dog will not listen to you because another dog is in the park, this is not our issue! SERIOUSLY! Ok.. enough back story. I think you get it... she told us we would be fined thousands of dollars for interfering with her dog... well, that didn't happen....
So, we saw this woman walking ahead of us today. We did not have our dog with us, but we definitely remembered who she was. We were chattering away between ourselves and with our daughter and sons, when we finally caught up with her. She looks at us and tells us to be quiet. Really lady? Aren't you supposed to be deaf? I'm sorry, but, if I want to talk to my kids, I am going to talk to my kids. This lady has quite the sense of entitlement and really things that everyone who she encounters needs to bow down to what she says. She uses her dog as ammo to keep people around her 'scared' that she will try to get them into trouble with the town. (I have many stories I can add about this woman, but I will end it here.. although what she expects of people is rather humorous.) I have to hold my tongue whenever I see her... (and I know that I am not the only one)... Seriously, though... my daughter is two and she loves being the boss during play time. It come off pretty rude to try to make other people obey you, especially for no good reason.
I know that everyone has bad days. Even I have been known to have a bad day on occasion. That said, why take it out on perfect strangers? Work a day in customer service (especially at a fast food restaurant) and you will find out just how many people are actually like this... and it's A LOT! I do not want my kids to be like that! I want them to be the ones giving smiles and joy to people, instead of being rude and ignorant. I just don't understand why people are so careless of how they treat others. I really hope to instill my kids with value for others, as much as themselves. Their world does not need to rotate only around themselves. That makes for a lonely life.
Future social behaviours might not come down to something as simple as a two year old throwing an apple at a TV once, but being rude and disrespectful starts somewhere... and if I don't deal with the apple, it will turn into an apple tree eventually, and those are much harder to handle.
Friday, 26 July 2013
Unwelcome Judgments
There are two things that have been driving me nuts lately. I was going to write about them a few weeks ago, but the last week or so has provided me with great examples of things that I just have to share them with all of you. (In hindsight after reading this post, it is kind of a hot mess, but it was a joy to write - so ENJOY! I will edit it later, if needed... Candy Crush is calling me. :D)
I do my best not to pass judgments on other people's parenting choices. CHOICES. That means that they are CHOOSING to raise their children like this. As long as the children are happy, healthy, and safe, then why on earth would I have a right to say anything?!? I will 'tolerate' judgments and opinions from other parents. Even suggestions on things that I may want to change for the future can be welcomes with teeth not totally gritting. However, there are times when I want to jump out of my skin and scream at other people's stupidity and ignorance.
The first type of person that I am not fond of hearing parenting advice from is a non-parent. AHHHH... the wonderfully blissful life of singlehood.. having no one to care for except yourself... and having all of the opinions in the world about how everyone else should be raising their kids. Oh, parenting opinions from people who have never had kids... Goody! Please! Tell me how to do it and what you think of it!!
Well, the age old topic of breastfeeding came up on a friend of mine's wall. Breastfeeding... oh, so simple, yet such a hot topic! My friend posted a pro-breastfeeding article stating the nutrients for babies that nurse from the ages of 12 months through to age 2. One of her childless friends pipes up... I think I may have grabbed the popcorn at this point... ok, not really, but childless people can be really entertaining when giving their views on things. These are not direct quotes, but they are close, if not exactly, what was said...
STRIKE ONE: Breastfeeding babies past age one is gross.
STRIKE TWO: Breastfeeding babies past age one will make the child fat and it is unhealthy. STRIKE THREE: Mothers need to cover up or go into a different room while breastfeeding, because it is supposed to be private.
<Face palm!> Ok, so how does a mother who is breastfeeding her child (or children) in my case not rebut those statements?!? I (along with a few other amazing women) were quick to point out the errors in her thinking.
REBUTTAL ONE: It is natural, not gross.
REBUTTAL TWO: Seriously!?!
REBUTTAL THREE: You put a blanket over your head to eat and see how you like it!!! I don't know if it is the heat around here lately or if it is just people getting more ignorant, but I just can't take people expressing their opinions when they have no idea what they are talking about. As a mom of three, who happily will nurse my babies when needed and wherever needed until whatever age they decide that they are done, it is kind of like me telling you to shave your pubes. Haha... Ok, maybe not, but, seriously, both decisions (feeding babies and shaving pubes) are highly personal and to speak publicly (or write) your asinine opinions about what the other does can be offensive and really make people look stupid. Fact of the matter is that unless you have had a child gnaw on your nipple, you should not have a say in breastfeeding (haha, I am having way too much fun writing this post).
Well, you might be scared now, but I am heading onto my second 'fun' scenario. As mentioned before, it has been hot out lately. A particular story in the news last week told of a mom who had the police and Children's Aid called on her for leaving her 9 year old and sleeping one year old in a locked and air conditioned vehicle so that she could run into the store and grab something quickly. This brings me to my next person that I LOVE to give me advice. THE PARENT OF AN ONLY CHILD. I am not saying that they aren't a parent. I am saying that they have not had to juggle 2 or more kids.
So, anyways, this story was posted on a local news website on Facebook. A friend of mine and I just thought that this particular scenario was being dealt with very harshly. A conversation with a stranger ensued in which we found out at the very end that she was a parent only to one child -- and then it all made sense. There is no chasing after one child this way and the other child that way. There is no crying baby and the older child is begging for you to buy this cool cereal that is on sale. There is no experience with deciding if your older child is responsible enough to watch your younger child for a few minutes in a safe environment. After being thrown every possible scenario by this woman (What if the car was on fire? What if the house was on fire? What if? What if? What if?), I just had to shake my head. People were agreeing with my friend and I that this particular case was not the typical 'leave your children in a hot car' scenario and that it was being dealt with to the extreme.
I am by no means condoning people to just up and leave their kids in an air conditioned car. I am also by no means encouraging people to leave their nine year olds in charge of their one year olds. However, as a mom of three kids under three, it is crazy people like this who will call the police and CAS on me if I leave my kids in the vehicle to go pay for my gas with cash!! Like, seriously, lady! You have no idea! It isn't as easy to cart a couple of kids through a store as you think! No, I am not going to leave my kids in a car to go get groceries (like she had said that I would obviously be ok with doing). Sometimes, people do not understand that two carseats to carry and a two year old do not function very easily while out and about!
With regards to this situation, it makes me sad that so many options are taken away from good parents because of overreactions from stupid people. Considering how much care this mother had taken into making sure her kids would be safe while she ran into the store, I don't think she fits the model of an abusive or neglectful parent. I don't even know the lady, but, judging by the fact that I haven't noticed an article since, I am assuming that she has not been charged, which is the right call in my opinion. I guess it would just be nice to assume that good parents should be allowed to make some decisions still regarding their children. Yes, the world is a dangerous place, and all parents are well aware of that. Being protective of our children is a big part of proving that we do care and that we are doing our best.
Well, that took a bit of a wild ride away from the point... ok, so back to the point, which was that parents of only one child need to try to keep their opinions to themselves about matters that they cannot make sense of because of their only having one child to raise... well, that was a mouthful. Seriously though, if you have never gone home empty handed when needing groceries because you just can't get all three kids in the grocery store for five minutes to grab milk and bread, then SHUT UP. For me to take two sleeping babies and an active toddler into a store for milk and bread, it might take me ten minutes just to get to the front door. By that time, I could have already been back out, milk and bread in hand, and on my way home. *I WOULD NOT DO THIS WITH MY CHILDREN AT THIS AGE BY THE WAY* I totally see where that mom was coming from and I wasn't the only one. The other lady, however, thought that we were all lunatics. (Needless to say, I found her frustrations with us and all the others kind of funny.)
**For some reason, I feel the need to put a little disclaimer here, just in case people misread things. I do not and will not leave my kids in a car unattended. I often come home empty handed after driving by the stores, mouth watering a lot of the times. I would rather piece a meal together with what remains in my house than risk my babies being left in the vehicle at this age. I am not meaning to say that parents of one child are not sympathetic to those with more kids, but I am saying that they do not always understand the business of parents that have more than one child. Also, with regards to the first scenario, I am in no way excluding formula as an acceptable way to feed a baby. I, personally, am a breastfeeding till self-wean momma and proud of it. :) Any questions?? Ask away!! Hope you enjoyed this crazy post!
I do my best not to pass judgments on other people's parenting choices. CHOICES. That means that they are CHOOSING to raise their children like this. As long as the children are happy, healthy, and safe, then why on earth would I have a right to say anything?!? I will 'tolerate' judgments and opinions from other parents. Even suggestions on things that I may want to change for the future can be welcomes with teeth not totally gritting. However, there are times when I want to jump out of my skin and scream at other people's stupidity and ignorance.
The first type of person that I am not fond of hearing parenting advice from is a non-parent. AHHHH... the wonderfully blissful life of singlehood.. having no one to care for except yourself... and having all of the opinions in the world about how everyone else should be raising their kids. Oh, parenting opinions from people who have never had kids... Goody! Please! Tell me how to do it and what you think of it!!
Well, the age old topic of breastfeeding came up on a friend of mine's wall. Breastfeeding... oh, so simple, yet such a hot topic! My friend posted a pro-breastfeeding article stating the nutrients for babies that nurse from the ages of 12 months through to age 2. One of her childless friends pipes up... I think I may have grabbed the popcorn at this point... ok, not really, but childless people can be really entertaining when giving their views on things. These are not direct quotes, but they are close, if not exactly, what was said...
STRIKE ONE: Breastfeeding babies past age one is gross.
STRIKE TWO: Breastfeeding babies past age one will make the child fat and it is unhealthy. STRIKE THREE: Mothers need to cover up or go into a different room while breastfeeding, because it is supposed to be private.
<Face palm!> Ok, so how does a mother who is breastfeeding her child (or children) in my case not rebut those statements?!? I (along with a few other amazing women) were quick to point out the errors in her thinking.
REBUTTAL ONE: It is natural, not gross.
REBUTTAL TWO: Seriously!?!
REBUTTAL THREE: You put a blanket over your head to eat and see how you like it!!! I don't know if it is the heat around here lately or if it is just people getting more ignorant, but I just can't take people expressing their opinions when they have no idea what they are talking about. As a mom of three, who happily will nurse my babies when needed and wherever needed until whatever age they decide that they are done, it is kind of like me telling you to shave your pubes. Haha... Ok, maybe not, but, seriously, both decisions (feeding babies and shaving pubes) are highly personal and to speak publicly (or write) your asinine opinions about what the other does can be offensive and really make people look stupid. Fact of the matter is that unless you have had a child gnaw on your nipple, you should not have a say in breastfeeding (haha, I am having way too much fun writing this post).
Well, you might be scared now, but I am heading onto my second 'fun' scenario. As mentioned before, it has been hot out lately. A particular story in the news last week told of a mom who had the police and Children's Aid called on her for leaving her 9 year old and sleeping one year old in a locked and air conditioned vehicle so that she could run into the store and grab something quickly. This brings me to my next person that I LOVE to give me advice. THE PARENT OF AN ONLY CHILD. I am not saying that they aren't a parent. I am saying that they have not had to juggle 2 or more kids.
So, anyways, this story was posted on a local news website on Facebook. A friend of mine and I just thought that this particular scenario was being dealt with very harshly. A conversation with a stranger ensued in which we found out at the very end that she was a parent only to one child -- and then it all made sense. There is no chasing after one child this way and the other child that way. There is no crying baby and the older child is begging for you to buy this cool cereal that is on sale. There is no experience with deciding if your older child is responsible enough to watch your younger child for a few minutes in a safe environment. After being thrown every possible scenario by this woman (What if the car was on fire? What if the house was on fire? What if? What if? What if?), I just had to shake my head. People were agreeing with my friend and I that this particular case was not the typical 'leave your children in a hot car' scenario and that it was being dealt with to the extreme.
I am by no means condoning people to just up and leave their kids in an air conditioned car. I am also by no means encouraging people to leave their nine year olds in charge of their one year olds. However, as a mom of three kids under three, it is crazy people like this who will call the police and CAS on me if I leave my kids in the vehicle to go pay for my gas with cash!! Like, seriously, lady! You have no idea! It isn't as easy to cart a couple of kids through a store as you think! No, I am not going to leave my kids in a car to go get groceries (like she had said that I would obviously be ok with doing). Sometimes, people do not understand that two carseats to carry and a two year old do not function very easily while out and about!
With regards to this situation, it makes me sad that so many options are taken away from good parents because of overreactions from stupid people. Considering how much care this mother had taken into making sure her kids would be safe while she ran into the store, I don't think she fits the model of an abusive or neglectful parent. I don't even know the lady, but, judging by the fact that I haven't noticed an article since, I am assuming that she has not been charged, which is the right call in my opinion. I guess it would just be nice to assume that good parents should be allowed to make some decisions still regarding their children. Yes, the world is a dangerous place, and all parents are well aware of that. Being protective of our children is a big part of proving that we do care and that we are doing our best.
Well, that took a bit of a wild ride away from the point... ok, so back to the point, which was that parents of only one child need to try to keep their opinions to themselves about matters that they cannot make sense of because of their only having one child to raise... well, that was a mouthful. Seriously though, if you have never gone home empty handed when needing groceries because you just can't get all three kids in the grocery store for five minutes to grab milk and bread, then SHUT UP. For me to take two sleeping babies and an active toddler into a store for milk and bread, it might take me ten minutes just to get to the front door. By that time, I could have already been back out, milk and bread in hand, and on my way home. *I WOULD NOT DO THIS WITH MY CHILDREN AT THIS AGE BY THE WAY* I totally see where that mom was coming from and I wasn't the only one. The other lady, however, thought that we were all lunatics. (Needless to say, I found her frustrations with us and all the others kind of funny.)
**For some reason, I feel the need to put a little disclaimer here, just in case people misread things. I do not and will not leave my kids in a car unattended. I often come home empty handed after driving by the stores, mouth watering a lot of the times. I would rather piece a meal together with what remains in my house than risk my babies being left in the vehicle at this age. I am not meaning to say that parents of one child are not sympathetic to those with more kids, but I am saying that they do not always understand the business of parents that have more than one child. Also, with regards to the first scenario, I am in no way excluding formula as an acceptable way to feed a baby. I, personally, am a breastfeeding till self-wean momma and proud of it. :) Any questions?? Ask away!! Hope you enjoyed this crazy post!
Saturday, 20 July 2013
8 Month Realization
Today, on the day that my babies turned 8 months, I realized that I have little boys. I snapped this picture of them while they were rolling around and wrestling, laughing and giggling the whole time. This is a realization that kind of smacked me upside the head, to be completely honest. I was in new mommy bliss, I guess, for the last 8 months, but ..... IT is starting. They are starting to act like little boys instead of babies. Rambunctious, rough, tough, active, get-around-the-room-in-seconds little boys! It is a wonderful thing to leave them to play with each other on the floor and be able to flit around the house getting things done. However, I know that I will start to come back to pretty interesting scenarios in the near future.
For instance, the boys know how to successfully get out of their diapers. This is NOT cool. I thought I had that nipped in the bud by putting onesies (aka diaper shirts) on them. They seemed to forget this newly found talent, so, since it's hot (and any mom of twins and a two year old likely has more than her fair share of laundry already), why not let them just be in their diapers. WELL, I was right to assume that they wouldn't take their diapers off anymore. The novelty had worn off... Now, it is more fun to try to take the other one's diaper off. Oh, yes. That is what I am dealing with now.... "Do NOT take off his diaper!" Nameless baby looks at me, smiles, and then proceeds to undo the tab on his brother's diaper. Looks back at me with an even bigger grin..... I can't help but laugh with them, as they find this so amusing, so I guess onesies (or maybe shorts... let me think on this) will be required yet again.
I don't know if it is worse that they know how to get out of their diapers or that they know exactly what they are after in their diapers. This is something that definitely is new to me and exclusively a part of being a mom to little boys. I do not understand the age old fascination that males have with their penises. Why, of all things to be fascinated with at this age, is that so appealing to them?? I do not think that I will ever understand this. All I know is that they are going to have to learn pretty quickly that it has a shelf life and it can be left covered. What is worse than having CAS called because there is one naked little boy running around in the backyard is having CAS called because I have two naked little boys running around in the backyard... oh wait, if you read my previous blogs, why not throw a naked two year old girl in there as well, and have a CAS party! Ugh.....(yes, my kids have clothes, lots and lots of clothes, and they fit into them.... for some reason <AHEM - they take after their father for this> they like to have no clothes on!) I don't know why the drive to be naked is developed so young... this will likely baffle me for the rest of my life ... hmm.. maybe they can remember how they came into the world?? (Haha, ok. I think I should stop thinking about this and finish this or it will be a book!)
All in all, although having boys scared the living crap out of me, as I have four sisters and really had no idea what to expect, having these two little boys (sniff, sniff, they are so big already!!!) is amazing. We were all lying in bed when they were getting ready to sleep tonight, and they were both climbing all over me and laughing and giggling. They are both happily asleep now and I know that they are loving their life. I am so happy that I got them. Between my three kids, I have really hit the jackpot. <sigh> Really, what more could I ask for??
AFTERTHOUGHT: Ok, I don't want to ruin that last moment. Hehehehehe. Obviously, there are many things in life that I would love to have - another child, a new house, to have a robot husband <joking, or am I??>, to win the $$ lottery, etc. I have to remember to live in the moment and be thankful every minute for all the blessings that I do have in my life... Everything else will just be gravy!
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Some of the Fears of Parenting
Everyone is always so quick to speak about the 'joys of parenting.' I, myself, am one to point out everything that I love about being a parent - the hugs and kisses, giggles, snuggles, and everything in between. However, there is one thing that comes with being a parent that often goes unsaid. Being a parent can be scary. There are definitely days that I need to keep a balance and learn to just live without fear. The fear of losing a child or the fear of them losing me can be crippling, if I let my mind run with those thoughts.
These last few weeks, there have been so many toddler and baby deaths in the news and I just cringe at hearing about it. It makes me want to build a bubble house and wrap them in bubble wrap and never let them out of my sight!!! How one would cope with losing a child is beyond me! The ones in my life that I know have dealt with that are the strongest people that I know. To have someone be such a part of you, and then lose them, would just rip one apart.
Our daughter has a big interest in swimming lately. When I say swimming, I mean that she is in a pool with tons of supervision and, usually, multiple floatation devices. Just knowing that she is out of MY arms' reach (yet in someone else's) can make me worry. I can physically see and hear that she is ok, yet I am worried. The images of what 'COULD' happen can sometimes stick in my mind for way too long.
With so many recent tragedies in the media and being followed in social media, I am finding that I need to cut myself off of them to be able to keep my head sane. If I follow every story, I am consumed with sadness and then begin to fear if the same may happen to my family.
I had a conversation with my mother-in-law a few weeks back about this, and she said something that I haven't forgotten. She told me that we are very prepared family and that we need to just do our best every day. I will expand on the context of this conversation now.
We are prepared - I am a preparation guru.. ok, maybe not a guru, but I do like to be prepared, er, OVER-prepared. Our family carries life insurance policies to cover funeral costs, and our wills are done. Yes, we are only in our 20's but things like that are super important.... *I can hear some of you wondering out loud, if I am still in my 20's.. I still have 9 months to go before the big 3-0*. Our taxes are up to date, our bills are paid, and our family knows what we would want if we were ever to pass away. I guess those bases are covered, so there is no reason to worry about that. We've just got to pray for a long, healthy life from this point, I guess. :)
We need to do the our best - EVERY DAY. This is not the same as YOLO. This is about responsible living. This is about seizing opportunities, being generous with 'I love you's,' and giving extra snuggles at every chance. Doing our best to ensure our children are safe and know that they are loved. Having the peace to know that if they or we pass away, there is love bursting out of every seam in the surviving broken hearts. That is what I think about doing our best every day.
I know that this post only covers fears of our children or ourselves dying, but the spectrum of parental fear are so vast, that there is no way I could cover them all in one post. I am sure that other aspects of great fear will come up in the future, but I don't have the desire to depress myself right now.
So, in the meantime, I strive to live life fully and without fear. I do have those moments where I just can't shake the 'what if's'. For now, I will just have to know that it is all out of my control from here. I do my best, and that is the best that I can do.
These last few weeks, there have been so many toddler and baby deaths in the news and I just cringe at hearing about it. It makes me want to build a bubble house and wrap them in bubble wrap and never let them out of my sight!!! How one would cope with losing a child is beyond me! The ones in my life that I know have dealt with that are the strongest people that I know. To have someone be such a part of you, and then lose them, would just rip one apart.
Our daughter has a big interest in swimming lately. When I say swimming, I mean that she is in a pool with tons of supervision and, usually, multiple floatation devices. Just knowing that she is out of MY arms' reach (yet in someone else's) can make me worry. I can physically see and hear that she is ok, yet I am worried. The images of what 'COULD' happen can sometimes stick in my mind for way too long.
With so many recent tragedies in the media and being followed in social media, I am finding that I need to cut myself off of them to be able to keep my head sane. If I follow every story, I am consumed with sadness and then begin to fear if the same may happen to my family.
I had a conversation with my mother-in-law a few weeks back about this, and she said something that I haven't forgotten. She told me that we are very prepared family and that we need to just do our best every day. I will expand on the context of this conversation now.
We are prepared - I am a preparation guru.. ok, maybe not a guru, but I do like to be prepared, er, OVER-prepared. Our family carries life insurance policies to cover funeral costs, and our wills are done. Yes, we are only in our 20's but things like that are super important.... *I can hear some of you wondering out loud, if I am still in my 20's.. I still have 9 months to go before the big 3-0*. Our taxes are up to date, our bills are paid, and our family knows what we would want if we were ever to pass away. I guess those bases are covered, so there is no reason to worry about that. We've just got to pray for a long, healthy life from this point, I guess. :)
We need to do the our best - EVERY DAY. This is not the same as YOLO. This is about responsible living. This is about seizing opportunities, being generous with 'I love you's,' and giving extra snuggles at every chance. Doing our best to ensure our children are safe and know that they are loved. Having the peace to know that if they or we pass away, there is love bursting out of every seam in the surviving broken hearts. That is what I think about doing our best every day.
I know that this post only covers fears of our children or ourselves dying, but the spectrum of parental fear are so vast, that there is no way I could cover them all in one post. I am sure that other aspects of great fear will come up in the future, but I don't have the desire to depress myself right now.
So, in the meantime, I strive to live life fully and without fear. I do have those moments where I just can't shake the 'what if's'. For now, I will just have to know that it is all out of my control from here. I do my best, and that is the best that I can do.
Thursday, 11 July 2013
Maybe she doesn't like bathing suits.....
Today, my daughter actually listened to me! Ok, she half listened to me. After bickering with her for most of the day and her dashing out in the front yard in only her underwear, I told her sternly. "You cannot go in the yard with your underwear on! You need a shirt and shorts!" Well, guess which part of that she remembered. Yup, you guessed it - the first part. As I am finishing up the dishes, I notice that I cannot hear her playing in the living room. I call for her and no reaction, so I head to the other room, AND THAT IS WHEN I SEE THEM. A tiny pair of purple undies with little designs on them right on the floor at the door. I poke my head out and hear her just laughing away. She is right by the door splashing away in her tiny pool - naked as the day she was born. Now, had our backyard NOT been completely exposed to the road, I wouldn't have cared if she was naked or not. However, not knowing who is going by (creeps, CAS callers, etc), I need to get this child clothed! She still thought it was hilarious, as did I.
You see, in our home, bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. She is very curious about anatomy, as previously posted. She is often present as I nurse the boys, and body parts, to her, are simply body parts. Obviously, we don't live in a nudist colony, so nude living is not our way of life. That said, she is two, and she simply thinks it is silly that it would be inappropriate for her to be naked in the yard.
"Why do I have to wear a bathing suit? I was in the yard." I had to stop and think for a minute. How do I answer her without leading to more questions. 'Because it isn't appropriate'.... 'Because some perv might end up looking at you in a bad way' .... 'Because people might not like mommy letting your run around naked <gulp> in our yard'... I was suddenly hit with the fact that my daughter is not going to understand any reasoning about sexuality, because <drumroll please> SHE IS TWO. Her body is not sexual. It is simply her body. For all she cares, she could be in a snowsuit or butt naked, and be happy. She could be in her favourite dress or a pirate outfit, and be happy. She doesn't care. There is no right or wrong way for her to be dressed. She just wants to have fun. We settled on 'Because I told you so' and both laughed as we went in to pick out a bathing suit for her to wear.
Now, I am not saying that she should be able to run around naked whenever she wants. I do think there are definitely places and times for clothes. :P I also understand that there are sick people in this world who do like to look at children in sexual ways, and protecting our children is a MUST. However, it would just be refreshing not to have to worry about having my two year old sexualized. Her young, pure mind just does not understand what is so wrong and 'scary' about being naked in the back yard. Obviously, I know that as she grows, we will have conversations about proper clothing, but how do you tell a two year old that she can't because 'she might attract the wrong type of attention'?
Honestly, I think it is sad that I even have to think about this. I do not want to rob my daughter of simply being able to have a body. Children become sexual being way to young these days, and, once that innocence is gone, IT IS GONE! I would love for her to be able to run around and just enjoy our back yard with no concerns - whether she wants to be fully clothed or naked. But, it is just not safe anymore. I guess fact of the matter is, that in a perfect world, she should be able to do just that, BECAUSE SHE IS TWO.
Thankfully, for now, 'Because I told you so' works well enough. I guess I will have to come up with more responses for when that doesn't work anymore. In the meantime, I am thankful for the fact that she has quite a few bathing suits that she loves, and I'm quite sure that she isn't going to be taking up streaking as a hobby. :) (Although, apparently, if she does take streaking up as a hobby, she would be taking after her father.)
You see, in our home, bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. She is very curious about anatomy, as previously posted. She is often present as I nurse the boys, and body parts, to her, are simply body parts. Obviously, we don't live in a nudist colony, so nude living is not our way of life. That said, she is two, and she simply thinks it is silly that it would be inappropriate for her to be naked in the yard.
"Why do I have to wear a bathing suit? I was in the yard." I had to stop and think for a minute. How do I answer her without leading to more questions. 'Because it isn't appropriate'.... 'Because some perv might end up looking at you in a bad way' .... 'Because people might not like mommy letting your run around naked <gulp> in our yard'... I was suddenly hit with the fact that my daughter is not going to understand any reasoning about sexuality, because <drumroll please> SHE IS TWO. Her body is not sexual. It is simply her body. For all she cares, she could be in a snowsuit or butt naked, and be happy. She could be in her favourite dress or a pirate outfit, and be happy. She doesn't care. There is no right or wrong way for her to be dressed. She just wants to have fun. We settled on 'Because I told you so' and both laughed as we went in to pick out a bathing suit for her to wear.
Now, I am not saying that she should be able to run around naked whenever she wants. I do think there are definitely places and times for clothes. :P I also understand that there are sick people in this world who do like to look at children in sexual ways, and protecting our children is a MUST. However, it would just be refreshing not to have to worry about having my two year old sexualized. Her young, pure mind just does not understand what is so wrong and 'scary' about being naked in the back yard. Obviously, I know that as she grows, we will have conversations about proper clothing, but how do you tell a two year old that she can't because 'she might attract the wrong type of attention'?
Honestly, I think it is sad that I even have to think about this. I do not want to rob my daughter of simply being able to have a body. Children become sexual being way to young these days, and, once that innocence is gone, IT IS GONE! I would love for her to be able to run around and just enjoy our back yard with no concerns - whether she wants to be fully clothed or naked. But, it is just not safe anymore. I guess fact of the matter is, that in a perfect world, she should be able to do just that, BECAUSE SHE IS TWO.
Thankfully, for now, 'Because I told you so' works well enough. I guess I will have to come up with more responses for when that doesn't work anymore. In the meantime, I am thankful for the fact that she has quite a few bathing suits that she loves, and I'm quite sure that she isn't going to be taking up streaking as a hobby. :) (Although, apparently, if she does take streaking up as a hobby, she would be taking after her father.)
Priceless Point of View
Lately, it is becoming more and more evident to me that children really have something amazing in how they see the world. My daughter is slowly showing me that seeing the world through a child's eyes isn't a bad thing every once in a while.
My youngest sister is amazing. She is in the fight of her life right now against breast cancer. My two year old just LOVES her. It comes up every once in a while, especially if she is playing with her doctor kit. She will inform me that she is going to fix her aunty's hurts. She told me that she can use her toys to 'put her hair back'. She has full faith that her beloved aunty will be better soon, and she believes that she can do something to help that happen. To her, saying it is just as good as it happening.
What I wouldn't give for that to be how life worked! Just having this positive reinforcement that 'Everything will be ok' and that 'It is fixable' (or treatable, in this case) reminds me that even when things spiral out of control, we just have to believe that everything can be alright. She really thinks that a bandage will cure it all.... and honestly, ALL THE POWER TO HER! Why wouldn't you always want to believe that the best would happen???
When does the 'change' happen? When do we, as adults, become these people who give up having faith that toys can heal wounds? Obviously, that is not a fully mature reaction to an illness. However, sometimes, it is the small joys in life that can heal wounds, especially emotional wounds. Maybe kids are onto something. Physical wounds can often carry emotional wounds, as well. Unless you are a person who hates kids (which would be sad), then a child can do a lot to help out your state of mind. Having a fresh prospective on life is never a bad thing. Hugging a child that truly believes that their hug WILL MAKE IT BETTER, somehow, makes it better. I believe it can even be miraculous sometimes.
My youngest sister is amazing. She is in the fight of her life right now against breast cancer. My two year old just LOVES her. It comes up every once in a while, especially if she is playing with her doctor kit. She will inform me that she is going to fix her aunty's hurts. She told me that she can use her toys to 'put her hair back'. She has full faith that her beloved aunty will be better soon, and she believes that she can do something to help that happen. To her, saying it is just as good as it happening.
What I wouldn't give for that to be how life worked! Just having this positive reinforcement that 'Everything will be ok' and that 'It is fixable' (or treatable, in this case) reminds me that even when things spiral out of control, we just have to believe that everything can be alright. She really thinks that a bandage will cure it all.... and honestly, ALL THE POWER TO HER! Why wouldn't you always want to believe that the best would happen???
When does the 'change' happen? When do we, as adults, become these people who give up having faith that toys can heal wounds? Obviously, that is not a fully mature reaction to an illness. However, sometimes, it is the small joys in life that can heal wounds, especially emotional wounds. Maybe kids are onto something. Physical wounds can often carry emotional wounds, as well. Unless you are a person who hates kids (which would be sad), then a child can do a lot to help out your state of mind. Having a fresh prospective on life is never a bad thing. Hugging a child that truly believes that their hug WILL MAKE IT BETTER, somehow, makes it better. I believe it can even be miraculous sometimes.
Sunday, 7 July 2013
Don't throw stones!
Today, I had my first taste of how it is going to be to have my child grow up in a world with children who are parented differently than her. For the most part, I believe that people should raise their children however they would like... That said, there are some errors in parenting that can really send the wrong message to kids. So, the story begins....
After dinner today, since it had cooled down a bit, my mother-in-law (MIL) and I decided to take the kids to the park. We have a small park that is not often being used where we like to go. It is only a few minutes by walk from our house. We get the boys in the stroller and 'saddle up' the dog and off we go. Norah is allowed to walk the dog in the last leg of this journey, as the roads are very quiet. We didn't know that our visit to the park would not even be for 5 minutes.
When we arrive, there are people there. No big deal. Norah has dropped the dog's leash to go play, so, as we enter the park, I grab his leash quickly, as dogs are supposed to be on leashes. (No biggie. He is super friendly either way, so I am not worried, but will definitely abide by the rules, especially while others are there.) I am waiting just outside of the play area with the boys, as I am now holding the leash and we are outnumbered. 3 kids and 1 dog vs. 2 adults. No problem. We just want Norah to have a good time. Norah, the 'people person' that she is, decides that she wants to play with the other children - 3 kids (I'll be generous and say they were aged 4-6), who are being supervised by 4 men and a lady (who is holding a child) WHO HAVE BEER WITH THEM... I guess that might have been my first warning that perhaps I should not want my kid to play with them, because, seriously, who brings beer to a park that is geared mostly towards toddlers. I absolutely do not mind people drinking, as I have been known to have a drink here or there myself. HOWEVER, I have NEVER seen adults have beer at the park when they are watching kids... and I thought having my dog run around was bad...
ANYWAYS, Norah joins the kids and sits with them under the play equipment, IN FULL VIEW of all the adults. The other kids, ALL THREE OF THEM, start throwing stones and sticks at her feet, and they are bouncing up on her legs. I am not some crazed parent and my kid is pretty cool with things, so I am thinking 'ok, let's see how this plays out'. I was waiting for the other parents to say something. NOTHING. Really, this is how it's going to be. Starting to be really annoyed. Norah is just smiling at them nervously, and they keep doing it. OK, STARTING TO BE REALLY, REALLY ANNOYED. Still the parents say nothing. The boy grabs a handful of stones and throws them in her face. They are at most 2.5 feet apart.. OK. GASKET OFFICIALLY BLOWN.
I am very comfortable with speaking up in general, however, I really don't want to have to chastise someone else's kids. I calmly, but firmly, say, "Norah, we are leaving. We do not play with mean kids who throw stones." So MIL picks up Norah, who thinks that she has done something wrong, as she is apologizing. She had stones all over her! Then, the parents have the nerve to look at me, and say, "Really? Is that necessary?" "Yes, it is necessary. Your kids are throwing stones. I do not need to take my kid to get glasses if she gets an eye injury from your kids throwing stones!" "Seriously. You need to be like THAT?" THEN, the kids start getting upset that they were called mean, so the parents are telling them that they aren't mean. I AM.!. Really, people, this is how we are going to play this!?! So I am apparently the 'bad guy' for calling them, or rather their children, out for throwing stones! My child is two, and we have already had the "Do NOT throw stones" discussion. It is not that hard.
Had that been my child who was throwing stones, she would have been on her way home already. Not only were they not concerned with their children's behaviour, they were defending it! I am still in shock! I was raised with consequences to my actions and respect for other human beings. I have absolutely no problem with punishing Norah if she throws stones. I will even happily tell her that she is being mean. WHY? BECAUSE THROWING STONES IS MEAN... and, for the even bigger fact, IT IS DANGEROUS! Why would I not say something about them potentially hurting my child, or even each other?
In afterthought, I think that I absolutely reacted as any caring and concerned parent would. How can I allow them to have destructive behaviour and not say something? Obviously, the other parents were not interested in doing it. They also had a huge problem with me using the word 'mean'. Seriously, call a spade as a spade. I am not one to sugar-coat with my daughter in regards to her behaviour. If she is being mean, she is being mean. If she is being awesome, she is being awesome. If you have a problem addressing your kids behaviour at this point in life, I am very scared to see them as adults. Not being corrected when young will only lead to disaster as they age.
This whole situation really has me mourning the loss of responsible parents that I see. Key word there is that I usually only SEE it. Now that Norah is growing up, I think I will be experiencing it more and more. Why are people so scared to call it like it is? There is nothing wrong with telling your child that they are doing wrong and correcting them. I absolutely do not have perfect little angels living here, but I do my best to keep them in line and respectful of others. That is a part of parenting that is essential to them being able to adjust to reality. As adults, we have laws that govern us also. It is easier to train a child to adhere to boundaries and rules than to try to teach an adult who has never had them enforced at home.
I am not saying that these parents have no rules and are like this all the time. This is just the situation that we encountered today. I am saying that, had that been my child, there would not have been an opportunity for her to throw stones again, because I'd have swooped in and stopped that immediately. Different parents, different methods. Sometimes, it is situations like this that confirm that I am on the right track with how I do things with my kids. In this situation, I know that I was right. I needed to defend my daughter. Mama bear does exist, by the way.
No matter which way you look at it.......
THROWING STONES IS WRONG! DON'T THROW STONES!
*After leaving that park and experience behind, we went to a park across town, where Norah had a lovely time playing with some friendly kids. She was still shedding stones as I pushed her on the swing at the second park... and I gave her a talk about defending herself. I told her that she needs to tell kids who throw stones to "STOP IT!"... and that she doesn't even need to say 'Please!'. :)
After dinner today, since it had cooled down a bit, my mother-in-law (MIL) and I decided to take the kids to the park. We have a small park that is not often being used where we like to go. It is only a few minutes by walk from our house. We get the boys in the stroller and 'saddle up' the dog and off we go. Norah is allowed to walk the dog in the last leg of this journey, as the roads are very quiet. We didn't know that our visit to the park would not even be for 5 minutes.
When we arrive, there are people there. No big deal. Norah has dropped the dog's leash to go play, so, as we enter the park, I grab his leash quickly, as dogs are supposed to be on leashes. (No biggie. He is super friendly either way, so I am not worried, but will definitely abide by the rules, especially while others are there.) I am waiting just outside of the play area with the boys, as I am now holding the leash and we are outnumbered. 3 kids and 1 dog vs. 2 adults. No problem. We just want Norah to have a good time. Norah, the 'people person' that she is, decides that she wants to play with the other children - 3 kids (I'll be generous and say they were aged 4-6), who are being supervised by 4 men and a lady (who is holding a child) WHO HAVE BEER WITH THEM... I guess that might have been my first warning that perhaps I should not want my kid to play with them, because, seriously, who brings beer to a park that is geared mostly towards toddlers. I absolutely do not mind people drinking, as I have been known to have a drink here or there myself. HOWEVER, I have NEVER seen adults have beer at the park when they are watching kids... and I thought having my dog run around was bad...
ANYWAYS, Norah joins the kids and sits with them under the play equipment, IN FULL VIEW of all the adults. The other kids, ALL THREE OF THEM, start throwing stones and sticks at her feet, and they are bouncing up on her legs. I am not some crazed parent and my kid is pretty cool with things, so I am thinking 'ok, let's see how this plays out'. I was waiting for the other parents to say something. NOTHING. Really, this is how it's going to be. Starting to be really annoyed. Norah is just smiling at them nervously, and they keep doing it. OK, STARTING TO BE REALLY, REALLY ANNOYED. Still the parents say nothing. The boy grabs a handful of stones and throws them in her face. They are at most 2.5 feet apart.. OK. GASKET OFFICIALLY BLOWN.
I am very comfortable with speaking up in general, however, I really don't want to have to chastise someone else's kids. I calmly, but firmly, say, "Norah, we are leaving. We do not play with mean kids who throw stones." So MIL picks up Norah, who thinks that she has done something wrong, as she is apologizing. She had stones all over her! Then, the parents have the nerve to look at me, and say, "Really? Is that necessary?" "Yes, it is necessary. Your kids are throwing stones. I do not need to take my kid to get glasses if she gets an eye injury from your kids throwing stones!" "Seriously. You need to be like THAT?" THEN, the kids start getting upset that they were called mean, so the parents are telling them that they aren't mean. I AM.!. Really, people, this is how we are going to play this!?! So I am apparently the 'bad guy' for calling them, or rather their children, out for throwing stones! My child is two, and we have already had the "Do NOT throw stones" discussion. It is not that hard.
Had that been my child who was throwing stones, she would have been on her way home already. Not only were they not concerned with their children's behaviour, they were defending it! I am still in shock! I was raised with consequences to my actions and respect for other human beings. I have absolutely no problem with punishing Norah if she throws stones. I will even happily tell her that she is being mean. WHY? BECAUSE THROWING STONES IS MEAN... and, for the even bigger fact, IT IS DANGEROUS! Why would I not say something about them potentially hurting my child, or even each other?
In afterthought, I think that I absolutely reacted as any caring and concerned parent would. How can I allow them to have destructive behaviour and not say something? Obviously, the other parents were not interested in doing it. They also had a huge problem with me using the word 'mean'. Seriously, call a spade as a spade. I am not one to sugar-coat with my daughter in regards to her behaviour. If she is being mean, she is being mean. If she is being awesome, she is being awesome. If you have a problem addressing your kids behaviour at this point in life, I am very scared to see them as adults. Not being corrected when young will only lead to disaster as they age.
This whole situation really has me mourning the loss of responsible parents that I see. Key word there is that I usually only SEE it. Now that Norah is growing up, I think I will be experiencing it more and more. Why are people so scared to call it like it is? There is nothing wrong with telling your child that they are doing wrong and correcting them. I absolutely do not have perfect little angels living here, but I do my best to keep them in line and respectful of others. That is a part of parenting that is essential to them being able to adjust to reality. As adults, we have laws that govern us also. It is easier to train a child to adhere to boundaries and rules than to try to teach an adult who has never had them enforced at home.
I am not saying that these parents have no rules and are like this all the time. This is just the situation that we encountered today. I am saying that, had that been my child, there would not have been an opportunity for her to throw stones again, because I'd have swooped in and stopped that immediately. Different parents, different methods. Sometimes, it is situations like this that confirm that I am on the right track with how I do things with my kids. In this situation, I know that I was right. I needed to defend my daughter. Mama bear does exist, by the way.
No matter which way you look at it.......
THROWING STONES IS WRONG! DON'T THROW STONES!
*After leaving that park and experience behind, we went to a park across town, where Norah had a lovely time playing with some friendly kids. She was still shedding stones as I pushed her on the swing at the second park... and I gave her a talk about defending herself. I told her that she needs to tell kids who throw stones to "STOP IT!"... and that she doesn't even need to say 'Please!'. :)
Friday, 5 July 2013
My daughter has a clam! - anatomy lessons for a 2 year old
Let me begin by saying that I am all for the proper education of children. I do think that there is a time and a place for their proper education, as well. For instance, when they learn particular things, they need to be old enough to learn when it is appropriate to use some of the things they have learned... and so this post begins....
My daughter has a clam. This is the term that a dear friend used when describing how she had poop everywhere when a diaper change was taking place. "She has poop all up in her.... all up in her... all up in her CLAM!" Apparently, there was a lot of poop. I laughed at the the term clam, and didn't think much of it...
Fast forward to the next massive poop that I change, and I tell my daughter, "Honey, you have poop in your clam." "I have poop in my clam?" "Yep. You have poop in your clam!" Within a week, I am quite sure that EVERYONE SHE CAME IN TO CONTACT WITH knew that she had a clam and that she gets poop in it sometimes.
Not long after this revelation, she was watching me change the boys. She says to me, "They have squirter bums!" and asks if her brothers have poop on their clams. I tell her no because the boys don't have clams. They just have <gulp> 'squirter bums.'
At this point, I was wondering if I am doing my two year old an injustice by not giving her all of the proper 'down below' words. After all, she is just two, and I don't know yet if she will grasp the differences between all of the female parts and all of the male parts or even the differences between what is on a female vs a male. Am I making the right decision at this point?
Needless to say, I did not wonder for very much longer. A different friend of mine came over to visit and my daughter lovingly told her all about her clam and her brothers' squirter bums. My friend looked at her and smiled and said, "Actually, your brothers have penises."
Deer in headlights right here! My radar of soon to be repeated words was going off like crazy! It really isn't the words that I worry about, but rather the context in which they are used.
Sure enough, for the next week, my daughter told everyone that she LOVES penises. Emphasis on the LOVE... She LOVES penises. Yes, you walking down the street, my daughter loves penises. And you, in front of us in the grocery cash out lane, my daughter loves penises. I think that everyone she told turned a lovely shade of red. We did not have this issue when she told people she had a clam. People either smiled or laughed a little.
Don't get me wrong. I am all for teaching her the proper body parts. I do think that it needs to be at the right age. I really don't think that two is the right age for her. She already knows that, as a girl, she has lots of eggs in her belly that may one day turn into babies, and she understands that babies come out of bellies with the help of doctors. I have given her accurate information, but in ways that she can process and understand.
I really thought that I would have no problem teaching her proper words from the get go, and I was really surprised at how my mind changed when the time came. I think it is more of an ease into education rather than a misinformation. Clam is better than 'twat' or 'whoooha' in my books.
I guess that the whole point of this post is about how not all things can be decided before you get to that bridge in parenting. I love teaching our daughter new things. W have conversations about life and learning all the time. Yesterday, I told her that babies come out of the mom's clam when they are born, because I told her a friend of hers was going to be a big sister soon. Her response was "Ewwwww, that's gross. " Definitely not too young for the proper process, but I definitely would rather her walk up to a stranger and tell them that I had the boys come out of my clam than my vagina. Yep. That makes for a much less awkward greeting on the street. :) I would take someone laughing about the wording over giving thought to my vagina any day. :)
* The desire to NOT have poop in her clam has since been the driving factor to having her potty trained. She is now doing excellent on the potty. In fact, she has not had poop in her clam once since she started on the potty! :)
My daughter has a clam. This is the term that a dear friend used when describing how she had poop everywhere when a diaper change was taking place. "She has poop all up in her.... all up in her... all up in her CLAM!" Apparently, there was a lot of poop. I laughed at the the term clam, and didn't think much of it...
Fast forward to the next massive poop that I change, and I tell my daughter, "Honey, you have poop in your clam." "I have poop in my clam?" "Yep. You have poop in your clam!" Within a week, I am quite sure that EVERYONE SHE CAME IN TO CONTACT WITH knew that she had a clam and that she gets poop in it sometimes.
Not long after this revelation, she was watching me change the boys. She says to me, "They have squirter bums!" and asks if her brothers have poop on their clams. I tell her no because the boys don't have clams. They just have <gulp> 'squirter bums.'
At this point, I was wondering if I am doing my two year old an injustice by not giving her all of the proper 'down below' words. After all, she is just two, and I don't know yet if she will grasp the differences between all of the female parts and all of the male parts or even the differences between what is on a female vs a male. Am I making the right decision at this point?
Needless to say, I did not wonder for very much longer. A different friend of mine came over to visit and my daughter lovingly told her all about her clam and her brothers' squirter bums. My friend looked at her and smiled and said, "Actually, your brothers have penises."
Deer in headlights right here! My radar of soon to be repeated words was going off like crazy! It really isn't the words that I worry about, but rather the context in which they are used.
Sure enough, for the next week, my daughter told everyone that she LOVES penises. Emphasis on the LOVE... She LOVES penises. Yes, you walking down the street, my daughter loves penises. And you, in front of us in the grocery cash out lane, my daughter loves penises. I think that everyone she told turned a lovely shade of red. We did not have this issue when she told people she had a clam. People either smiled or laughed a little.
Don't get me wrong. I am all for teaching her the proper body parts. I do think that it needs to be at the right age. I really don't think that two is the right age for her. She already knows that, as a girl, she has lots of eggs in her belly that may one day turn into babies, and she understands that babies come out of bellies with the help of doctors. I have given her accurate information, but in ways that she can process and understand.
I really thought that I would have no problem teaching her proper words from the get go, and I was really surprised at how my mind changed when the time came. I think it is more of an ease into education rather than a misinformation. Clam is better than 'twat' or 'whoooha' in my books.
I guess that the whole point of this post is about how not all things can be decided before you get to that bridge in parenting. I love teaching our daughter new things. W have conversations about life and learning all the time. Yesterday, I told her that babies come out of the mom's clam when they are born, because I told her a friend of hers was going to be a big sister soon. Her response was "Ewwwww, that's gross. " Definitely not too young for the proper process, but I definitely would rather her walk up to a stranger and tell them that I had the boys come out of my clam than my vagina. Yep. That makes for a much less awkward greeting on the street. :) I would take someone laughing about the wording over giving thought to my vagina any day. :)
* The desire to NOT have poop in her clam has since been the driving factor to having her potty trained. She is now doing excellent on the potty. In fact, she has not had poop in her clam once since she started on the potty! :)
Monday, 1 July 2013
Disorderly Order
I am known as someone who thrives off of order. Everything has it's place, and everything needs to be organized. I like to do things myself and have them done my way. I need to be able to control the process and the outcome. Most, if not all things, that I can have in order turn out very well. This is one reason why people would tell me, when pregnant with the twins, "If anyone was having twins, you are the person who can handle it!" - which drove my crazy, by the way. Everyone thinks that I can keep my kids on schedules and plan my days down to a 'T'.
Well, I have a secret that might shock you!
Although order is a top priority in my personal life, when it comes to parenting, I am about as 'free' as they come. This surprises even me!! I am sure that I have some visitors who leave and just wonder 'where did she come from?' Parenting is the most important job that I have ever had, yet, my approach to it, at times, startles even myself. The best thing about how WE parent (I will definitely include my hubby in this, as he lives here and we parent together) is that it works for us, and it works for the kids. They are all happy, healthy, thriving, and adjust well to whatever situations they are placed. Life just never ends up as you would expect.
I was never one to believe in scheduling kids. They came with a natural schedule, and, as a stay at home mom, I definitely have the time to find out how their own unique systems work. It is wonderful and amazingly easy to work with how they were born. Parenting is so much less stressful that I could have ever imagined. YES, IT HAS ITS BAD DAYS, as any job would. I just know that this is what works for us. We have been blessed with amazingly awesome kids, who show me that life is more important than counting down the hours until the next thing on the schedule.
One of the best examples of this would be our bedtime routine. What is that?? A bedtime has never existed for our daughter (who will soon turn 3). She has also never needed a particular bed, blanket, stuffed toy, soother, story, or any other bedtime ritual. When she is tired, she goes to bed. End of issue. So simple. No stress. This is how it has always been. She would fall asleep anywhere, WHEN SHE IS TIRED. I decided early on, after watching other parents struggle with bedtimes everyday, that this is not a battle that I found worth having. Now, applying this with the twins, I thought we would run into more issues, as there are two of them. Their schedules have synced, and, most days, (NOT TEETHING DAYS!!) they are sleeping within half an hour or so of each other when they do go down to sleep. They also go to bed when they are tired. I do not have the time to sit around and try to get them to sleep. If I wait until they are tired, then BAM! They go to sleep. Easy! Easy! Easy!
Parenting has brought out a side of me that I have never really expected to see. A side that just wants to sit back do nothing! Yes, do nothing, but cherish the after-hours times with the kids - the midnight snuggles underneath lit Christmas trees, the late-night hot chocolates shared with giggles, the extra help with dinner dishes that results in water everywhere, and so much more. My life after 7pm (or whenever the kids would be in bed) would be drastically different. I wouldn't even be aware of all of the special memories that I would be missing.
My kids have taught me that not everything in life has to be planned to be wonderful. It is a lesson that I am still learning. Every day is different and exciting, and, even at the end of a rough day, I have to admit that life is wonderful, even if it is still unplanned. Sometimes, I just laugh, because lessons that people have tried to teach me for decades are being taught to me by the littlest and most special people that I know. Sometimes, it is the littlest people that make the biggest difference.
After thought - I AM NOT BASHING ANYONE'S PARENTING STYLE. Sleep training and schedules are just two things that our family does not practice. That does not mean that it doesn't work for other families. Parenting all comes down to what works for each family. Every family has a different set of circumstances and needs to do what is best for them.
Well, I have a secret that might shock you!
Although order is a top priority in my personal life, when it comes to parenting, I am about as 'free' as they come. This surprises even me!! I am sure that I have some visitors who leave and just wonder 'where did she come from?' Parenting is the most important job that I have ever had, yet, my approach to it, at times, startles even myself. The best thing about how WE parent (I will definitely include my hubby in this, as he lives here and we parent together) is that it works for us, and it works for the kids. They are all happy, healthy, thriving, and adjust well to whatever situations they are placed. Life just never ends up as you would expect.
I was never one to believe in scheduling kids. They came with a natural schedule, and, as a stay at home mom, I definitely have the time to find out how their own unique systems work. It is wonderful and amazingly easy to work with how they were born. Parenting is so much less stressful that I could have ever imagined. YES, IT HAS ITS BAD DAYS, as any job would. I just know that this is what works for us. We have been blessed with amazingly awesome kids, who show me that life is more important than counting down the hours until the next thing on the schedule.
One of the best examples of this would be our bedtime routine. What is that?? A bedtime has never existed for our daughter (who will soon turn 3). She has also never needed a particular bed, blanket, stuffed toy, soother, story, or any other bedtime ritual. When she is tired, she goes to bed. End of issue. So simple. No stress. This is how it has always been. She would fall asleep anywhere, WHEN SHE IS TIRED. I decided early on, after watching other parents struggle with bedtimes everyday, that this is not a battle that I found worth having. Now, applying this with the twins, I thought we would run into more issues, as there are two of them. Their schedules have synced, and, most days, (NOT TEETHING DAYS!!) they are sleeping within half an hour or so of each other when they do go down to sleep. They also go to bed when they are tired. I do not have the time to sit around and try to get them to sleep. If I wait until they are tired, then BAM! They go to sleep. Easy! Easy! Easy!
Parenting has brought out a side of me that I have never really expected to see. A side that just wants to sit back do nothing! Yes, do nothing, but cherish the after-hours times with the kids - the midnight snuggles underneath lit Christmas trees, the late-night hot chocolates shared with giggles, the extra help with dinner dishes that results in water everywhere, and so much more. My life after 7pm (or whenever the kids would be in bed) would be drastically different. I wouldn't even be aware of all of the special memories that I would be missing.
My kids have taught me that not everything in life has to be planned to be wonderful. It is a lesson that I am still learning. Every day is different and exciting, and, even at the end of a rough day, I have to admit that life is wonderful, even if it is still unplanned. Sometimes, I just laugh, because lessons that people have tried to teach me for decades are being taught to me by the littlest and most special people that I know. Sometimes, it is the littlest people that make the biggest difference.
After thought - I AM NOT BASHING ANYONE'S PARENTING STYLE. Sleep training and schedules are just two things that our family does not practice. That does not mean that it doesn't work for other families. Parenting all comes down to what works for each family. Every family has a different set of circumstances and needs to do what is best for them.
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