There are two things that have been driving me nuts lately. I was going to write about them a few weeks ago, but the last week or so has provided me with great examples of things that I just have to share them with all of you. (In hindsight after reading this post, it is kind of a hot mess, but it was a joy to write - so ENJOY! I will edit it later, if needed... Candy Crush is calling me. :D)
I do my best not to pass judgments on other people's parenting choices. CHOICES. That means that they are CHOOSING to raise their children like this. As long as the children are happy, healthy, and safe, then why on earth would I have a right to say anything?!? I will 'tolerate' judgments and opinions from other parents. Even suggestions on things that I may want to change for the future can be welcomes with teeth not totally gritting. However, there are times when I want to jump out of my skin and scream at other people's stupidity and ignorance.
The first type of person that I am not fond of hearing parenting advice from is a non-parent. AHHHH... the wonderfully blissful life of singlehood.. having no one to care for except yourself... and having all of the opinions in the world about how everyone else should be raising their kids. Oh, parenting opinions from people who have never had kids... Goody! Please! Tell me how to do it and what you think of it!!
Well, the age old topic of breastfeeding came up on a friend of mine's wall. Breastfeeding... oh, so simple, yet such a hot topic! My friend posted a pro-breastfeeding article stating the nutrients for babies that nurse from the ages of 12 months through to age 2. One of her childless friends pipes up... I think I may have grabbed the popcorn at this point... ok, not really, but childless people can be really entertaining when giving their views on things. These are not direct quotes, but they are close, if not exactly, what was said...
STRIKE ONE: Breastfeeding babies past age one is gross.
STRIKE TWO: Breastfeeding babies past age one will make the child fat and it is unhealthy. STRIKE THREE: Mothers need to cover up or go into a different room while breastfeeding, because it is supposed to be private.
<Face palm!> Ok, so how does a mother who is breastfeeding her child (or children) in my case not rebut those statements?!? I (along with a few other amazing women) were quick to point out the errors in her thinking.
REBUTTAL ONE: It is natural, not gross.
REBUTTAL TWO: Seriously!?!
REBUTTAL THREE: You put a blanket over your head to eat and see how you like it!!! I don't know if it is the heat around here lately or if it is just people getting more ignorant, but I just can't take people expressing their opinions when they have no idea what they are talking about. As a mom of three, who happily will nurse my babies when needed and wherever needed until whatever age they decide that they are done, it is kind of like me telling you to shave your pubes. Haha... Ok, maybe not, but, seriously, both decisions (feeding babies and shaving pubes) are highly personal and to speak publicly (or write) your asinine opinions about what the other does can be offensive and really make people look stupid. Fact of the matter is that unless you have had a child gnaw on your nipple, you should not have a say in breastfeeding (haha, I am having way too much fun writing this post).
Well, you might be scared now, but I am heading onto my second 'fun' scenario. As mentioned before, it has been hot out lately. A particular story in the news last week told of a mom who had the police and Children's Aid called on her for leaving her 9 year old and sleeping one year old in a locked and air conditioned vehicle so that she could run into the store and grab something quickly. This brings me to my next person that I LOVE to give me advice. THE PARENT OF AN ONLY CHILD. I am not saying that they aren't a parent. I am saying that they have not had to juggle 2 or more kids.
So, anyways, this story was posted on a local news website on Facebook. A friend of mine and I just thought that this particular scenario was being dealt with very harshly. A conversation with a stranger ensued in which we found out at the very end that she was a parent only to one child -- and then it all made sense. There is no chasing after one child this way and the other child that way. There is no crying baby and the older child is begging for you to buy this cool cereal that is on sale. There is no experience with deciding if your older child is responsible enough to watch your younger child for a few minutes in a safe environment. After being thrown every possible scenario by this woman (What if the car was on fire? What if the house was on fire? What if? What if? What if?), I just had to shake my head. People were agreeing with my friend and I that this particular case was not the typical 'leave your children in a hot car' scenario and that it was being dealt with to the extreme.
I am by no means condoning people to just up and leave their kids in an air conditioned car. I am also by no means encouraging people to leave their nine year olds in charge of their one year olds. However, as a mom of three kids under three, it is crazy people like this who will call the police and CAS on me if I leave my kids in the vehicle to go pay for my gas with cash!! Like, seriously, lady! You have no idea! It isn't as easy to cart a couple of kids through a store as you think! No, I am not going to leave my kids in a car to go get groceries (like she had said that I would obviously be ok with doing). Sometimes, people do not understand that two carseats to carry and a two year old do not function very easily while out and about!
With regards to this situation, it makes me sad that so many options are taken away from good parents because of overreactions from stupid people. Considering how much care this mother had taken into making sure her kids would be safe while she ran into the store, I don't think she fits the model of an abusive or neglectful parent. I don't even know the lady, but, judging by the fact that I haven't noticed an article since, I am assuming that she has not been charged, which is the right call in my opinion. I guess it would just be nice to assume that good parents should be allowed to make some decisions still regarding their children. Yes, the world is a dangerous place, and all parents are well aware of that. Being protective of our children is a big part of proving that we do care and that we are doing our best.
Well, that took a bit of a wild ride away from the point... ok, so back to the point, which was that parents of only one child need to try to keep their opinions to themselves about matters that they cannot make sense of because of their only having one child to raise... well, that was a mouthful. Seriously though, if you have never gone home empty handed when needing groceries because you just can't get all three kids in the grocery store for five minutes to grab milk and bread, then SHUT UP. For me to take two sleeping babies and an active toddler into a store for milk and bread, it might take me ten minutes just to get to the front door. By that time, I could have already been back out, milk and bread in hand, and on my way home. *I WOULD NOT DO THIS WITH MY CHILDREN AT THIS AGE BY THE WAY* I totally see where that mom was coming from and I wasn't the only one. The other lady, however, thought that we were all lunatics. (Needless to say, I found her frustrations with us and all the others kind of funny.)
**For some reason, I feel the need to put a little disclaimer here, just in case people misread things. I do not and will not leave my kids in a car unattended. I often come home empty handed after driving by the stores, mouth watering a lot of the times. I would rather piece a meal together with what remains in my house than risk my babies being left in the vehicle at this age. I am not meaning to say that parents of one child are not sympathetic to those with more kids, but I am saying that they do not always understand the business of parents that have more than one child. Also, with regards to the first scenario, I am in no way excluding formula as an acceptable way to feed a baby. I, personally, am a breastfeeding till self-wean momma and proud of it. :) Any questions?? Ask away!! Hope you enjoyed this crazy post!
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